My Sobriety Story with Chris

“Nearly all of my mental and physical self-diagnoses were just symptoms of drinking alcohol.”

This series showcases personal stories of addiction recovery and sobriety. Today’s edition features Chris James, a 36-year-old debt adviser from England who works for a charity and is passionate about educating others on the dangers of alcohol. With a wonderful partner and an 8-year-old Bucovina Shepherd, Chris is dedicated to helping people who, like he once did, believe their drinking is normal simply because many others drink the same way. His mission is to raise awareness that alcohol doesn’t discriminate and can ruin anyone’s life, regardless of background or circumstances. You can read more from Chris on Medium.

---

When and how did you get sober?

My sobriety finally stuck just after Christmas Day, 2023. Before that, I had stints of sobriety, including 8 months, 4 months, 3 months, 3 weeks, 3 days, and sometimes 3 hours!

I would say I had desperately wanted to get sober for ten years. When I was 26 years old, I had my first mental breakdown. It was all very new to me and incredibly terrifying. I had to quit my job without notice, and it took weeks to recover before I jumped into another job.

Ten years later, I had breakdown number “I don’t know.” By then, I had lost count of the times I had crashed. Sometimes, I would crash physically, but I also crashed a lot mentally. Each time I crashed, I would eventually believe I could moderate and would also believe that alcohol brought a positive to my life.

My biggest regret about the way I got sober was not going to the hospital. I understand first-hand that it can feel embarrassing and scary to go to the hospital, but it’s so important to go if you have been drinking large amounts and/or for a long time.

I got sober with the help of my partner and mother. I had also reached a place where I couldn’t hide from my fears and anxieties, and I couldn’t make excuses for alcohol anymore.

---

What was the turning point in your decision to get sober?

As explained above, it took me ten years to finally commit to sobriety long-term. The turning point was years of chipping away at my beliefs about alcohol. I hit rock bottom, but I had been there many times. There was no specific turning point but a huge collection of reasons against consuming alcohol.

Working was challenging when hungover, socializing was only possible when I had topped up, I was really angry, I wanted to fight the world, I couldn’t put anything behind me, my health was terrible, and I had no interest in exercising or eating well. Not to mention the non-stop heightened anxiety and bouts of heavy depression.

---

What surprised you about getting sober?

What surprised me was that all the defenses and claims I had supporting alcohol were either not true or non-existent.

I used to believe everybody drank two bottles of wine on weeknights and more on the weekend. A lot of people don’t. I used to believe that nobody could moderate, and the United Kingdom’s recommended 14 units per week rule was to cover the government’s backs. It wasn’t. It’s a poison, and I now believe the recommended units should be 0 per week. Poison isn’t for human consumption.

I had built up a massive brick wall of beliefs which painted alcohol as a positive. I quickly found that none of these were true. It didn’t help me sleep, it didn’t make me better at socializing, it didn’t build friendships and relationships, and it didn’t chill me out.

One other surprise was that I didn’t have all the illnesses that I believed I did when I drank. Nearly all of my mental and physical self-diagnoses were just symptoms of drinking alcohol. Now that I’m sober, none of this is surprising to me. I was in a bubble of alcohol’s manipulation.

---

What’s the biggest challenge you’ve encountered on your recovery journey?

By far, the biggest challenge in sobriety for me was finding a new way to shut negative thoughts out. I had used alcohol for every negative emotion for years. I drank alcohol to combat feelings of sadness, depression, anxiety, fear, insecurity, fragility, and much more.

When I quit for good, I was very passionate about sobriety (and still am), but eventually real life and normality crept back in. Soon enough, I was met with life’s problems, and I had to find a way to get past that without drugging myself.

This year, I struggled with support, my past, we had our house burgled one night, our car stolen (we got it back), and I was chased for a debt that I had never owed at an address I didn’t live at the time, for 4 months.

All the above has been dealt with, and we have moved on from it.

For the first half of this year, I struggled a lot with my problems, and I had no foundation on how to deal with them. One part of sober living I didn’t understand was that getting through your problems without alcohol builds your character, confidence, and self-esteem. Because I didn’t know this, it made grinding through them feel impossible.

When you face your problems by drinking alcohol, you mask the problem. The problem with this is you don’t grow as a person. You don’t get the confidence, character, and self-esteem. You get a hangover and a feeling of not standing up to your problems.

---

What are the biggest benefits or gifts of sobriety?

There are so many smaller wins in sobriety. For example, our house is the prettiest I’ve ever seen it look, and it is the nicest house I have ever lived in. Waking up for work is much easier. I groom and shower myself regularly, walk our dog every day, and have better relationships with family and friends I didn’t speak to much, and even better relationships with the people I was already close to.

All those things considered, I would say the biggest gift of sobriety is the long-term changes to your life overall. Somehow, everything starts fitting together like a jigsaw. When I drank, I didn’t even have the pieces to the jigsaw.

I look back over this year, and I have passed my driving test and have a car. I write articles for people and publications. I ran a 10km trail run (the first half was all uphill). I have money. I have paid off most of my old debts. I finally make electronic music and put my degree in Electronic Music and Sound Engineering to good use.

---

What words of advice would you give someone who’s considering sobriety or newly sober?

My biggest piece of advice would be to get help, stay away from social events that include drinking for a while, and you will break down emotional brick walls if you stick with the changes happening to you.

Remember that if you have drunk for a long time, you will have curated a big collection of paths in your brain that lead to drinking alcohol as the solution. When you stop doing this, your brain will be unhappy about it and will let you know about it. It will be uncomfortable at times, but you will grow from it a lot. You will get through it, and you will then be able to love sobriety and yourself.

Want to share your sobriety story?

Thank you for sharing, Chris! We look forward to connecting with you in the comments.

Want to be published on Sober.com? If you’re a sober writer, we invite you to contribute! Reach out to hello@danaleighlyons.com for details.