I’m Sober. Why Do I Keep Dreaming About Drinking?
Last year, shortly after moving to Thailand, I started having dreams about drinking. If you know me, you’ll know this was quite the surprise. I’m sober, haven’t had a drink in over five years, and—believe it or not—no longer crave alcohol.
In these dreams, I’d accept a drink without thinking, start sipping, then realize with horror: Oh my god! I’ve broken my sobriety! What on earth was I thinking?!
Each time, I awoke in a panic.
I realized pretty quickly the timing of these dreams had something to do with my move back to Thailand. I’ve always had an active dream life, and it tends to intensify during transitions. Plus, I lived here two decades ago—back then, I was drinking a lot.
Still, waking from such dreams is jarring. Part of my brain is like: What the hell just happened? How did I not even realize what I was doing?
While my particular circumstances may be unusual, drinking dreams among people who’ve quit drinking are a common, even normal occurrence. I think this is especially true in early sobriety, when so much focus goes into breaking up with booze and rearranging our lifestyle.
Still, as my own experience shows, drinking dreams can happen years into sobriety (even decades, according to my partner, who’s over 30 years sober). And despite knowing these dreams are normal, it feels important to bring them into the light and hold them with care.
Is relapse around the corner? No. Have these dreams changed my relationship with alcohol in waking life? Nope.
And yet, these dreams do carry messages, including the following.
1. Drinking dreams suggest that an unhelpful pattern is in its death throes—rising up for one last show of resistance.
I feel solid in my sobriety and rarely think about alcohol unless I’m reading or writing about it. Still, some part of my subconscious probably feels otherwise. That part of me may be unsettled by the deepening realization that I’ll never drink again—not even in Chiang Mai, where I used to drink regularly.
The more this part of us realizes that we’re serious and there’s no going back, the more likely it is to make one last show of resistance. It’s as though our addiction is inside of us saying: HEY… wait a minute. We’re not really doing this sobriety thing forever, right? RIGHT?
This is also the moment when our addiction and subconscious can get conveniently forgetful and oh so sneaky. Stay sober long enough (whether that means years, 30 days, or a week), and you might lose touch with how bad booze made you feel. Stay sober long enough, and watch the justifications and negotiations roll in…
It wasn’t that bad, right? Or maybe it was THEN, but I’ve completely changed my relationship with alcohol NOW. I stayed sober! I proved I could do it!
(Spoiler: this path is pretty much guaranteed to lead exactly where it led the first time, and the time after that, and the time after that.)
In my experience, acknowledging rather than denying the existence of these voices and this part of us is helpful. Addiction lives in the dark; bringing it into the light weakens its hold and its power. Once I told my partner about my drinking dreams and started reflecting on what they might mean, that part of my subconscious retreated; the dreams stopped completely.
2. Drinking dreams offer a reminder of how much better life is in sobriety (and how important it is to protect that).
For me, drinking while dreaming wasn’t something I “did on purpose” and was painful, not pleasurable. Rather than bring on a buzz, it filled me with dread and reinforced that I never want to go back to alcohol’s physical, mental, and spiritual consequences.
Life is infinitely freer and more easeful on this side of sobriety, and I feel tremendous relief knowing that I never have to subject myself to drinking again.
And yet, even though I no longer experience craving for alcohol, I welcome the reminder of how things were before compared to how they are now. Also how essential it is to never lose track of that, become lax in my commitment, or take my sobriety for granted.
3. Drinking dreams are an invitation to conduct an honest inventory.
Sometimes, drinking dreams may hold more immediate, even urgent significance. While this doesn’t feel true for me currently, it’s especially important in early sobriety so I wanted to mention it.
Specifically, these dreams may be a call to look very closely and honestly at what’s supporting or not supporting our choice to stay sober.
Are there people or circumstances in your life that endanger your sobriety? Are there ways you might adjust your daily habits and routines to be more supportive? Are there aspects of your life that feel out of alignment? Do you need to let go of something? Or add something? Or make big or small shifts?
No matter how far along we are on our journey, drinking dreams are an invitation to take inventory of our waking life in sobriety.
4. Waking from drinking dreams is a chance to be grateful!
Above all, drinking dreams are nightmares that I feel grateful to wake from. Upon waking, I’m more thankful than ever that YES, I’m still sober. YES, this is my life in sobriety. Things are so much better here, and I never have to go back.
But know what? Even if you wake up and miss drinking, there’s still an opportunity for gratitude. Whether in dreams or waking life, it’s easy (and normal) to romanticize things we did, relationships we had, and who we were back in our drinking days. It’s also normal to grieve what we’ve quit.
If you wake from drinking dreams and that’s your experience, just remember that your past self was there. Your past self made the difficult, courageous choice to get sober for important, possibly urgent reasons. No way in hell you would’ve made that choice if continuing to drink was worth what it cost you.
I encourage you to make space for whatever you’re feeling and remember what’s better in sobriety. Thank your sober self for that. Thank your sober self for all the ways—big and small—that you now have the capacity to show up more beautifully.
How about you?
We’d love for you to share in the comments:
Do you ever have drinking dreams in sobriety? What messages do they hold?
Do you ever have dreams about breaking other sorts of commitments to yourself and your well-being? What messages do they hold?
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I’ve been sober and active in 12 Step recovery for 16 years and I still have occasional drinking dreams. I’ve discovered that they show up when I’m stressed about something and not fully acknowledging it. ❤️
I’ve had dreams of smoking ever since quitting in 2002. They are less frequent now, better be after 23 years! And it’s always the same. This isn’t too bad, is it? You can just smoke once in a while. I wake up with a shudder and remind myself, yes, it really is that bad.