My Sobriety Story with Gordon
“After thirteen months, I still can’t believe that I don’t miss alcohol or even crave it.”
This series showcases personal stories of addiction recovery and sobriety. Today’s edition features Gordon Szyszko, who lives in Minneapolis with his girlfriend, Carmen, and works as a truck driver. He enjoys spending time outdoors, hunting for agates on the North Shore of Lake Superior, making crafts, and painting. Gordon has a 21-year-old son and a 15-year-old daughter who live nearby. You can find him on Facebook and Instagram.
When and how did you get sober?
I took my last drink on December 24th, 2023. It was a long and agonizing process for me to get to that day. It was a journey of self-discovery and self-love. It was a journey of trying to moderate only to fall, pick myself up, fall again, and start over. It was a journey of setting myself up for either failure or success.
Finally, I made the decision to succeed. I discovered that I had to love myself in order to do that and to discover my own worthiness. One of the ways I did that was by listening to the Recovery Elevator podcast and listening to other people’s stories and discovering that their stories are very similar to my own. Listening to those stories gave me so much encouragement and prompted me to look at my own life and see all the ways I was sabotaging myself.
Those of us who struggle with addiction to alcohol all have that in common and can relate to one another. And in many ways, our stories are unique, but our behavior is very much the same. With all of that, there is another thing we all share. And that is hope. We have the ability to make choices in our life that will have a positive impact and put us on the path to success so that we can live a more fulfilling life.
What was the turning point in your decision to get sober?
The turning point came when my girlfriend of nine years went to Ecuador and didn’t come back for six months. She went to visit family there and ended up staying for six months because she became tired of my destructive behavior towards myself and towards her. I was pushing her away because I was choosing alcohol over her. I loved her, but I loved the alcohol more and almost sacrificed a beautiful relationship for something that was going to kill me.
I did not make the decision to get sober right then and there on the day she left. Instead, I ramped up my drinking because I had the freedom to do that now that there was no one there to judge me for it. But, after four months of abusing myself, I knew I had to change my behavior if I wanted to live and if I wanted her back in my life. That’s when I started moderating, thinking that I could “drink like a normal person.” I quickly found that not to be true. And it was too much work. When she came home, I didn’t stop drinking immediately but did so soon after. I was tired of literally being sick and tired and really needed a change. I was tired of trying to moderate and tired of being hung over and feeling awful. So on December 23rd, 2023, I decided that I was done for good.
What surprised you about getting sober?
I was surprised that I didn’t need alcohol to have fun or feel good. I was very surprised about how much energy I have and how much my sleep improved. I was amazed that my anxiety has decreased by 80 percent. After thirteen months, I still can’t believe that I don’t miss alcohol or even crave it.
Every now and then I see an interesting beer on the shelf that sounds delicious when I go to purchase non-alcoholic beer. But I know that if I start drinking, I will end up right back where I was and I don’t want any part of that. None of that is worth it to me.
What’s the biggest challenge you’ve encountered on your recovery journey?
The biggest challenge I’ve encountered is restoring my relationship. There still is a lot of damage done that needs to be repaired. I was able to kick the booze and have been very successful at it. However, the recovery part is an ongoing process for me. There are still many things inside me that like to rear their ugly heads.
I used to get so angry and blame my girlfriend or other people for my own problems. I used to be very impatient and attack my girlfriend or other people if the situation wasn’t to my liking, especially when I was drunk. Not having alcohol in my life has opened up the door for me to see it all for what it really is. I still get angry and impatient, but now I’m able to see it right away, manage it, and deal with it without screaming—avoiding a fight. I’m excited to see more positive changes as I move forward in life.
What are the biggest benefits or gifts of sobriety?
For me, the biggest gift of being sober is reconnecting with my kids and with my girlfriend again. Part of that is being able to feel and experience my emotions again. I didn’t used to cry, but now if someone says something or I watch something that moves me, I’ll start crying right away. It’s not always pleasant feeling things, but it's worth it because I know I’m connecting and I’m no longer numb to anything really anymore.
Another benefit for me is reconnecting with nature and being outside. On a beautiful spring or summer day, I thought it would be more fun to stay inside and drink than go outside and get immersed in the beauty of nature. I now thoroughly enjoy going for walks and receiving the wonderful energy from Mother Earth and from the sun. I often find myself connecting with the plants, birds, animals, and even with my ancestors at times. Before, I was afraid to go outside because I was too embarrassed for other people to see me in that condition. Now I have nothing to be ashamed of, which feels so good.
Not having to plan out my day or night around a drinking schedule or trying to remember the liquor store I went to the day before so the cashiers wouldn’t think I have a problem is another bonus because trying to moderate was exhausting. And so is not feeling sick all the time.
One other benefit is that I reconnected with my mother. Alcohol is very nefarious in the way it slowly destroys relationships while it sneaks into your life and takes everything and makes you believe that it is your best friend. It caused me to push people away as it grew roots deep into my being. I am so lucky and blessed to have been able to tear those roots out of my life so that I can restore and take back all that I almost lost.
What words of advice would you give someone who’s considering sobriety or newly sober?
If someone is sober curious or has just started to walk a path of sobriety, I would advise them to try to be around like-minded people. Keep in mind that connection is the opposite of addiction. Don’t isolate yourself from people.
When I stopped drinking, I started telling people right away and I haven’t stopped. I told my kids, my friends, a couple cashiers at The Trader Joe’s that I shop at, the people I work with, and even the lady in the property management office where I live. The support and encouragement have been amazing. And also, it’s helped other people who are sober curious to open up to me about wanting to ditch the booze.
Some other tips I have are to listen to podcasts about sobriety. My favorite is Recovery Elevator because I find myself identifying with so many of the stories on there. I also would recommend going to Alcoholics Anonymous meetings. I myself do not attend any because I’m very busy and it’s just not my vibe. However, I have read The Big Book though and found it to be a great resource, which I recommend if someone is looking for “quit lit.”
With that being said, I would strongly suggest finding a higher power as Step Two states. It does not have to be Jesus Christ of the Judeo-Christian faith or Allah or Buddha. Find something or someone that you strongly resonate with, that you believe in, and that gives you strength.
Lastly, I would say that if you find yourself drinking again, you are not a failure and it is not the end of the world, so please do not give up. All the days that you are sober count and you can put them into your “sobriety savings account.” Be proud of yourself and love yourself because you are worth it.
Want to share your sobriety story?
Thank you for sharing, Gordon! We look forward to connecting with you in the comments.
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Thanks so much for sharing your story with us, Gordon! I love hearing about how you’ve mended relationships in sobriety.
Great job sharing your story! Great thought about connection and being around like-minded people. Thanks!