My Sobriety Story with Chris

Take your time, be kind to yourself, and don’t let shame take you down.

This series showcases personal stories of addiction recovery and sobriety. Today’s edition features

Chris

. In his words: “Every now and then I get the urge to write, and the words are clearer now in sobriety. So. Maybe that will be the first brick I use to build a new house for my soul. Oh, I am a proud dad, retired book seller, and recovering drunk.”

If you’d like, you can find and connect with Chris on Substack Notes. It’s a small, meaningful way we can support each other and grow this community.

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When and how did you get sober?

The first attempt was in 2012, after I had a brief stint in a psych ward, driver’s license removed. It was a natural progression. I have said in the past that it felt like I was on a conveyor belt and rehab was the next step. My poor memory thinks it lasted six months before I started drinking again.

The second was in 2024, and that is an ongoing story.

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What was the turning point in your decision to get sober?

Before May 2024, I had mentioned to my ex-wife that perhaps I needed rehab. But a lack of money, a lack of ability, and, honestly, a lack of conviction led nowhere.

Then on May 15th, I went to work, threw up, came home, the boss did a safety check and found me shaking, and an ambulance was called. Again, the hospital. Ten days under the watchful eyes of wondrous nurses and some nice doctors and a constant refusal by anyone to let me leave led to me booking into a private rehab for a 30-day stay (at a cost of probably most of my inheritance). Meanwhile, I had also looked into a 90-day program and kept on their list, eventually going straight there from the private rehab.

I suspect, because of those conversations with Jill (the ex) on our walks, I was mentally preparing myself (even if it was in a diminished capacity) and so I entered the first rehab with a positive attitude, I believed. (The staff referred to me as Grumpy Santa, I later heard.)

When the 30 days were coming to an end, everyone (clients) thought I was insane to go for another 90. Meanwhile, the staff thought, yep. And I thought I was diligent, if questioning, during those 90 days. A week after my one year, I ran into two members of the 90-day staff, and both admitted they did not expect me to make my celebration. (I guess I gave off uncommitted vibes.)

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What surprised you about getting sober?

Honestly? How easy it was. By that, I mean I have not had dangerous urges to use my drug of choice. I’ve had brief thoughts and dreams where it has appeared. I have seen people I care about go back out, even as we walked the path together and approached a year together.

I have had problems with addictive behaviour that wasn’t my drug of choice: spending way, way too much money on video gaming (damn those in-game purchases!). But when I finally recognized and admitted to that problem, it was as easy as deleting the game—just a couple of months too late. So now I am more aware of diverging itches.

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What’s the biggest challenge you’ve encountered on your recovery journey?

It has not been the usage, the addiction. It has been everything else. Motivation, hope, desire, plans, dreams, the concept of a better life. When all of these are a negative, it becomes hard to see the path forward, to have hope. If I were to use again, it would be from simple boredom. Like an active giving up. Thankfully, at the moment, I seem incapable of doing much actively, of anything.

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What are the biggest benefits or gifts of sobriety?

I guess it saves me $300 to $400 a month. And it clears up what was drinking and what is my head or body. The shakes were not really drinking but more likely an exaggeration of my familial tremors. The drinking and my job caused hip arthritis to flare, but it is still there. And, well, this is as good a time as any to try fixing the broken parts of my personality. AA would call them character defects, but I think they are more nurture than nature, more mental health than just who I am.

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What words of advice would you give someone who’s considering sobriety or newly sober?

Breathe. Take time. As much as possible. If you can do rehab, do as much as possible. If you are on your own, try to jettison as much of life as possible and just be, let your brain have quiet.

Find positive outlets for energy—prayer beads, whatever. If you can, do positive affirmations or repeat AA slogans. Be kind. Be forgiving. To yourself, first, foremost. If you have done shit, leave that aside for a year or two. And if you have done things you aren’t proud of, forgive—don’t let shame cripple you. You were, literally, not in your right mind.

Did I mention be nice to yourself? It is the negative stuff that will take you down.

Want to share your sobriety story?

Thank you for sharing, Chris! We look forward to connecting with you in the comments.

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