My Sobriety Story with Kirsten A. Miller
“This wasn’t a him problem—it was an us problem. It was a me problem.”
This series showcases personal stories of addiction recovery and sobriety. Today’s edition features Kirsten A. Miller, an artist, educator, and life coach specializing in grief. Kirsten lives with her family in a small mountain town in southern California and is currently working on her professional recovery coach credential through IAPRC. Learn more about Kirsten at RavenCreekStudio.com.
When and how did you get sober?
Thirteen months ago, on the morning of September 19, 2023, something finally shifted in me. I made the decision to let go of the weight I had carried for far too long, a weight that had been responsible for just about every bad decision in my life.
I had danced around my sobriety before, completing Sober Octobers, Dry Julys, and Dry Januarys, each time convincing myself that I could manage thirty days without a drink. I always completed the challenges, sometimes pushing myself past them. I always felt like a better human during these challenges. However, I always went right back to my nightly habit and weekend partying shenanigans after a failed attempt at moderation.
This moment in time was different; it felt like a necessary divine direction toward everything that was to be me—the true me.
By late October, I took a significant step and enlisted the guidance of alcohol-free coach Teri Patterson. For three transformative months, we met weekly, each meeting peeling back the layers of my experience and how to navigate an alcohol-centric society.
I immersed myself in quit lit—devouring every book on the subject I could find. Journaling became my daily refuge, a place to spill out my thoughts, fears, and dreams. I turned to meditation for solace and strength. I found community in various sober journey groups that shared my struggle (Meg Geisewite, WBTY), and I sought therapy to delve into the deeper roots of my relationship with alcohol.
This was no longer a mere challenge; it was a journey toward unbecoming, understanding, and ultimately, unfolding true freedom.
What was the turning point in your decision to get sober?
A weekend that marked rock bottom for my husband sent us both tumbling into chaos. I moved into the guest house for a few weeks with my bestie—my beautiful bottle of buttery Chardonnay, my comfort and my curse. I dulled my senses and mulled over his story, my story, and our tangled, drunken narrative, wondering if there was a path forward for us.
It stung to realize that I was cornered by his demons. It also stung to realize that I had my own demons. This was a defining moment—my turning point. His descent could have taken his life—or someone else’s with him. In his wake of drunken destruction, he unearthed a side of him that I didn’t recognize and it broke my heart. We had walked on the edge of disaster too often—together. Nights turned into a wild blur, where the music and alcohol thumped through our veins, and every concert felt like a riot. Parties? They didn’t just get out of hand; they exploded into a whirlwind of reckless abandon.
Our guardian angels were clocking overtime, exhausted from the relentless work of keeping us (and others) safe. This wasn’t a him problem—it was an us problem. It was a me problem.
What surprised you about getting sober?
Sleep. It’s a glorious thing. I’m talking about that deep, unshakeable sleep—where you hit the pillow and emerge hours later with a crick in your neck, a painful reminder of just how still you were.
Each morning comes with a peace that those chaotic, wine-fueled nights could never offer. It’s the morning calm—a breath of fresh air after the storm—and I finally recognize the beauty of waking up as me.
What’s the biggest challenge you’ve encountered on your recovery journey?
In the beginning, just getting by in a world soaked in booze felt like scaling a brick wall. Our society spins on cocktails and clinks, and I found myself struggling with how to let my hair down without reaching for a drink.
Discovering my triggers and learning how to navigate them without the desire to numb out was crucial. Surviving that first year was no small feat.
Now, the real test is learning to embrace life without taking it so seriously. I’m on a new journey of playfulness, reclaiming joy, and rediscovering the vibrant me who existed long before alcohol entered the picture. And let me tell you, there’s a certain beauty in finding that version of myself again.
What are the biggest benefits or gifts of sobriety?
There’s something so magical about true presence. It’s the kind of thing that sweeps you off your feet at every special event, makes every movie feel like it’s crafted just for you (and you actually remember the event and the movie), and transforms the simplest moments with your favorite people into cherished memories.
Really being present when my girls need me is a gift beyond measure. It’s about being unapologetically yourself and fully tuned in. And sleep? That’s my love language. No hangxiety weighing me down. Just pure creative living and a healthy dose of a newfound self-love. Feeling everything, raw and real.
What words of advice would you give someone who’s considering sobriety or newly sober?
Every morning, wake up and say to yourself, “Just don’t drink, today.” Don’t put the pressure of “forever” on yourself in the beginning. Take it day by day—and sometimes, minute by minute. Just don’t drink today. (I first heard these words from Laura McKowen, author of the bestselling memoir We Are The Luckiest: The Surprising Magic of a Sober Life.)
The best gift you can give yourself, your loved ones, and this precious short time on Earth, is a healed and fully present you. You will never shine your true light through the fog of alcohol.
Want to share your sobriety story?
Thank you for sharing, Kirsten! We look forward to connecting with you in the comments.
Want to be published on Sober.com? If you’re a sober writer, we invite you to contribute! Reach out to hello@danaleighlyons.com for details.
Beautiful, Kirsten. Thank you so much for sharing your story. ❤️
Awesome