My Sobriety Story with Shane

“That little voice that led you to this place, to this spot, that’s the voice you need to listen to now.”

This series showcases personal stories of addiction recovery and sobriety. Today’s edition features

Shane Willbanks

, a recovered alcoholic, writer, and proud work-in-progress. In his newsletter,

Sober Duder's Spot

, he writes about the gritty, beautiful, often ridiculous path of staying sober and staying human. Shane lives in Arkansas, where he’s learning that healing doesn’t always look heroic—but it does look like showing up.

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When and how did you get sober?

Tuesday, September 1, 2021, 6:14 a.m. Two weeks prior, my GI doctor told me that I was going to die of liver disease if I had one more drink. He had told me the same thing five years before that, and I took that as a challenge and tried to drink myself to death.

That didn’t work, but my health got so bad I was puking blood 10-20 times a day and my organs hurt like they were on fire. You could literally feel the right lobe of my liver poking through my abdomen.

This time, on August 17, 2021, his words were different. He said, “If you take one more drink, Mr. Willbanks, I can no longer be your doctor. I have to focus on my patients who want to live.”

I had taken my father with me this time for accountability (unlike the previous time), and I made a deal with him that since my birthday was coming up on August 31, I would stop drinking the day after my birthday. I proceeded to drink my butt off for the next two weeks, but I was fired up and ready to go the morning of September 1. My mind was made up. I was done.

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What was the turning point in your decision to get sober?

My kids. The weekend before I saw my doctor, I was once again bent over the toilet puking blood, and my kids’ faces flashed in my brain. I asked myself, Are you just gonna leave them with no father?

That broke me. I knew I had to do something, so Monday morning I called and convinced my doctor to see me that day.

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What surprised you about getting sober?

What surprised me is that I did it. I remember hitting 30 days, then 90, then six months, then one year, and thinking: Wow, this sh*t is real. I’m really doing it.

What also surprised me was the real weight of my feelings.

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What’s the biggest challenge you’ve encountered on your recovery journey?

I still live in shame. I haven’t done anything since I got sober that I’m ashamed of. That’s not to say I don’t embarrass the heck out of myself all the time. But I’m not ashamed anymore of things I do.

What I’m ashamed of, what some part of me will not let go of, is all that I gave up or missed because I chose alcohol instead.

I struggle with shame every day, but that’s why I wrote my last essay about shame and pride. I’ve reframed things now so I use shame as a compass and pride as a steering wheel as I move towards my true self.

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What are the biggest benefits or gifts of sobriety?

My relationships. My beautiful, restored relationships. My children, my parents, my family and friends. I crave seeing them now instead of dreading it because I’m so ashamed.

Also, I’m healthier now than I’ve been in a long time.

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What words of advice would you give someone who’s considering sobriety or newly sober?

That little voice that led you to this place, to this spot, that’s the voice you need to listen to now. It seems small and quiet because all of your other self-loathing, self-sabotaging voices are so loud.

But as they begin to fade, that tiny voice takes over. That’s the one that saves you.

Want to share your sobriety story?

Thank you for sharing, Shane! We look forward to connecting with you in the comments.

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