My Sobriety Story with Stephanie
“You’re in there, you always were, and you’re braver than you think.”
This series showcases personal stories of addiction recovery and sobriety. Today’s edition is by Stephanie Gibbons, a self-described “mediocre writer.” She has two boys (age 9 and 11) who still catch muddy frogs to impress their amazing dad. Together, they represent the life she runs to every day, one day at a time. You can find Stephanie’s newsletter at
.Want to hear Stephanie read her story? Hit play here:
When and how did you get sober?
I pulled out of a nosedive in COVID. My Day 1 is September 6, 2020, and my story is like many others in recovery. I started drinking in high school to ease social anxiety and to fit in, and the drinks kept flowing from there.
After plenty of stops and starts (and starts and starts and starts), I got the final wake-up call I needed. My liver was inflamed; the vodka I was hiding in my bathroom was causing physical harm.
I thought of my sons’ sweet faces, aged 5 and 7 back then. I thought of how they would hug me so tight, then dash off to catch muddy frogs in our backyard pond. Of how they’d say, “I love you, Mumma,” before wrestling like alligators in the living room.
I wondered how much I was going to miss if I continued my hidden vodka habit. Coated in shame as gross as a wet wool blanket in summertime, the answer became clear: All of it. I was going to miss all of it.
So, I told on myself. I came clean to my husband and threw out the half-dozen Sea Ice mini bottles in my tampon box. (Yes, the tampon box). I found Women for Sobriety (WFS) and its New Life Program and started pandemic Zooming with my Wednesday Warriors. God, I love those women.
Through connection, community, and honesty with myself and my family, I remain sober one day at a time.
What surprised you about getting sober?
A big surprise was the day it registered that living a sober life—a beautiful sober life—was going to take more than just ditching the booze. The term “dry drunk” made sense that day, and I vowed to build a life I wanted to run to. That didn’t mean I had to quit my job, write the next big American novel, or go on Safari with elephants. It meant asking honest questions about how I wanted to be, and that was honest, open, and unapologetic for feeling.
How often have you kept things bottled up or stayed quiet to keep the peace? After a while, it feels like you’re swallowing shards of glass while moving further away from who you are. It felt surprising to learn that the people I loved the most didn’t need me to be perfect. They were open and accepting...and a beautiful sober life began to flourish in that honesty.
What’s the biggest challenge you’ve encountered on your recovery journey?
Turns out, the biggest surprise and the biggest challenge were the same, because now it meant I had to get honest. And when you’ve been hiding vodka in a Tampax box for over a year…well, honesty requires some practice.
What are the biggest benefits or gifts of sobriety?
Ditching the beer, wine, and vodka led to a new life. That looks beautifully unique for each of us. For me, a new life means a new way of thinking; a slower, calmer, more responsive way of being. Sure, drinking brought the highs. Those soaring, I’m king-of-the-world kind of highs. And it brought the lows—that negative downward spiral of crushing victim mentality. And I don’t mean piano-dropped-from-a-window crushing. I mean a slow, increasing pressure on your body and soul. That claustrophobic thinking that turns even minor inconveniences into “this shit happens only to me.”
There’s this song on the Garden State soundtrack that I used to play over and over. A favorite line was: “There’s beauty in the breakdown.”
Maybe the real beauty is in the middle. In the liminal space. In the “ordinary” you simply can’t access when you’re drinking on the Alcohol Use Disorder (AUD) spectrum. Gratefully, it didn’t take a paper bag and a DUI to show me alcohol is shit. I finally got real and asked: What is it honestly bringing to my life? The ability to live mainly in the highs and lows?
That’s a lot of time wasted waiting for the pendulum to swing. Today, I honor the beauty in the struggles and celebrations we face. But the biggest gift I’ve found in sobriety is somewhere in the middle.
What words of advice would you give someone who’s considering sobriety or newly sober?
Get curious. Read quit lit; find sober groups and social media accounts; start to notice the red thread across all the stories of finding sobriety: Peace.
Make connections that encourage you to stay accountable. And when the itchy feeling creeps into your bones, go outside, get in water, eat some Hot Tamales, and connect with a sober friend.
When you’re ready to test your new sobriety in the real world, remember: No is a complete sentence. If the invite isn’t a Hell Yes, say No. People-pleasing be damned.
If you’re reading this and trying to find your way back to yourself, please know this: You’re in there, you always were, and you’re braver than you think.
Want to share your sobriety story?
Thank you for sharing, Stephanie! We look forward to connecting with you in the comments.
Want to be published on Sober.com? If you’re a sober writer, we invite you to contribute! Reach out to hello@danaleighlyons.com for details.
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Such a beautiful story of honesty, sobriety, courage, and clarity, Stephanie. Thank you for sharing!