Anyone who knows me knows I’m quite obsessive—er, devoted—to routines. They help me find more joy and ease, show up more creatively and skillfully, and stay attuned to my body-mind-spirit.
My routines are so consistent that my cats have them memorized. They know when yoga’s about to shift into meditation, when meditation’s about to shift into reading, and when specific, predictable moments mark the arrival of kitty treats.
Thanks to this consistency, I’m calmer and my schedule follows a dependable flow. This includes when and how I begin each day, practice meditation and yoga, pause for meals, write my newsletter, spend time with my partner and cats, and wind down each evening.
No doubt, some people would find my schedule overly restrictive, flatout boring, and/or deeply unhelpful. We each have a different set of patterns we’re working with, along with different means of self-regulating, finding steadiness and ease, connecting to our body-mind-spirit, and navigating our internal and external environment. The things that I experience as an antidote, refuge, and blessing may not be that for you.
What’s more, your circumstances may look totally different. I’m 50, self-employed, work remotely, and live with my partner and cats. However demanding my housemates (the cats, not my partner), I enjoy a great deal of freedom. My situation is vastly different from those who are living with young children, caretaking for older parents, working multiple jobs, commuting to work, etc. What’s accessible to me, in this current phase of my life, is in no way accessible to everyone.
That said, any amount of rhythms or routines can be healing and nourishing, even if you don’t have hours of quiet every day, the perfect setup, or cats who keep you on track.
And, for me, disciplined routines are powerful medicine. Only after getting sober did I fully own that without feeling as though I needed to apologize for or hide it.
After getting sober as well, the specifics of my daily routines—and especially my evening routines, which revolved around wine with dinner—saw big rearranging. Heck, I’ll go so far as to say that changing my evening routines in a conscious, intentional way was essential to: 1) actually getting sober in the first place, and 2) making sobriety less stressful, more easeful.
If this resonates—if you could use a little more routine in your life to support giving up an unhelpful substance or behavior—I have ideas and an exercise for you, below.
Even if you aren’t as keen on doing the same things at the same time every day, you still might take the spirit of what I have to share and make it make sense for you.
In times of change, I return to this formula.
There’s a reason routines have been on my mind lately—all the ways they support me have been excruciatingly apparent. That’s because, upon moving this week, predictability and regularity went out the window.
I’ve continued starting and ending my days the same way—you can practice yoga, meditate, read, and write pretty much anywhere. But the details of most everything else have undergone major changes and remain in flux. At a time when I crave my routines the most, they’re experiencing one of the biggest upheavals since I got sober.
Of course, there’s a gift in this — novelty expands our perspective, invites us to see things in new ways, and makes space for wonder. And yet, I crave the comfort, ease, and freedom that routines offer. Thankfully, even two days after moving, glimpses of steadiness are already returning. By this time next week, I know I’ll feel far different than I do now.
Whether it comes to moving homes, getting sober, or any other life-changing transition, the way I create routines follows a formula:
First, if you’re getting sober (or shifting an unhelpful habit), a preface: Your routines in sobriety don’t need to look anything like mine. Your routines should be specific to you. Meaning, they should:
Disrupt your typical routines and cues that surround and culminate in drinking.
Help you feel how you want to feel (without the alcohol).
Leave you feeling better rather than worse (including when you’re falling asleep that night and waking the next morning).
Picture yourself a week or month into the future. If you make these small changes now, they’ll soon be your new normal. It won’t feel that way in the beginning. It will feel that way if you stay the course, one day and week at a time.
Now, grab a piece of paper, and try this:
5 steps to creating new routines
Get clear on what you’re seeking. What do you want more of in your life? What’s missing? How do you want to feel? Write this at the top of the page. It’s your “why” and your compass.
Example: I just want to feel like I can relax at the end of the day and turn my mind off. I need a break from thinking about work and to-dos. I also want to feel connected to others—I get bored and lonely when I’m not drinking.
Brainstorm ways you could adjust your daily routines to help you feel how you want to feel without alcohol. Write these down under your “why.” Don’t edit, but do stick to things that feel supportive. Think about what will make you feel good in the moment and afterwards.
Example: I could make sure the fridge is stocked with delicious, nourishing food and some fancy bubbly water or other alcohol-free beverages. I could start going to the gym or yoga or coffee shops regularly. I could schedule walks outside in nature after work. I could pick up some fun, light books to read. I could stop checking email outside of work hours. I could treat myself to a home spa night. I could invite my non-drinking friends over for board games and mocktails. I could take that online drawing class I’ve been considering. I could start a newsletter. I could attend recovery meetings in person or online. Etc.
Start simple—but do start. Scan your ideas and pick two or three to implement today or this week. Which ones feel easiest and most realistic? What do you need to get started? Do what you need to get started!
Example: Stocking my fridge with delicious, nourishing food and bubbly water is pretty easy. And I know how much better I feel when I eat well—especially if I don’t have to plan it out each day. I’ll do a shop and set myself up for the week. And I don’t really need to check email outside of work hours—nothing is so urgent that it can’t wait until tomorrow. Oh, and I think I’ll check out the new gym that just opened. Maybe it’ll be a way to meet people and hang out without drinking. Plus, I always feel better when I’m moving my body.
Whatever ideas you choose, commit to following through for at least one week. Then check in: are your new habits and routines sticking? Are they working to help you feel more supported and how you want to feel? Are any adjustments needed? Do you need to add or remove something to make your new routines easier?
Example: Wow—I feel so much better after a week of nourishing meals. Not checking email at night feels hard… but less stressful than checking it! Getting to the gym daily is hectic with my full schedule. I’m going to switch to every other day instead.
Once you have two or three supportive routines in place for at least one week and ideally one month, return to your original list. Are there new things you feel ready to add? Or things you want to remove? Review your “why,” make any edits, then choose one or two additional habits or routines from your list to implement.
Example: My stocked fridge is going great! And I enjoy the gym way more now that I’m going every other day. Not checking email at night has begun to feel normal, and I think I’m ready to add something new. For the next month, I’m going to commit to asking someone on a “sober friend date” once a week—something low-pressure, like going for coffee.
Give it time, review the essentials.
Curating your new life in sobriety is an iterative, ongoing process. When our body and mind are used to doing things a certain way, we have to teach them to expect and crave something else. This takes time but will happen if you hang in there through what might be an uncomfortable beginning.
Pick habits and routines that are simple and feel good. Give them at least a week or month of consistent implementation before deciding whether they’re working. If you feel stuck, run through those three essentials. Your new routines should:
Disrupt current routines that aren’t serving you.
Help you feel how you want to feel.
Leave you feeling better, not worse.
Also remember your future self. Think of how different things will be a week or month into your new sober lifestyle. Choose the life that makes you feel how you want to feel—not just in the moment but afterwards.
How about you?
We’d love for you to share in the comments:
Do you find regular routines helpful or not so much?
If you have supportive routines in sobriety, what are they? How do they make you feel?
What one thing could you add to your day or week to support your recovery journey?
And before you go, would you take a second to tap that little heart? It lets others know there’s something helpful here and grows our sober community.
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Disrupting my evening wine o'clock by getting out of the house (I was working from home) with my dog to explore a new neighborhood or go to the grocery store or a park was key! I have always been good about routine exercise, but a morning yoga practice became really important for me as it taught me self-trust, that I was able to learn a different way of being, and that slow can be good, too. My dog loves it when I roll out my mat and put her blanket beside it with a chewy!
I hope you get settled into your new place soon, Dana!
Dana, thanks for writing this. Exactly what I need as I've been struggling to establish a regular routine to support my new beginning in self-employment. I've noticed I'm holding myself back from committing to a structure because of memories of my workaholic past. I'll give this framework a go - gently and softly.