What Makes Sober Holidays Magical?
Tips, encouragement, and inspiration from our community!
“How do you safeguard your sobriety during the holidays? What makes sober holidays magical?”
I recently posed these questions on Notes (Substack’s social media platform, for those unfamiliar). The responses were filled with practical tips, encouragement, inspiration, and heartfelt reminders that sobriety, while deeply personal, is a journey we never have to navigate alone—including during the holidays.
Thank you to everyone who shared! Scroll down to read the responses and share your own in the comments.
“At house parties/dinners, etc., I always take lots of my own AF options so I know what I’m drinking in advance. (And I generally try and swerve evening events and make lovely daytime plans instead.)
Waking up before sunrise feeling healthy and full of energy and not hungover is the best gift I will ever give myself. And being properly present with family and friends at the various get-togethers (rather than willing them to be over so I can go and hide/recover from the night before) is super special. Happy holidays!”
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,“I choose to have ‘no cherished outcome.’ Before, I would create Hallmark-level expectations and use my disappointment when they didn’t manifest as a reason to drink. I created some new traditions for myself like attending my church’s performance of Handel’s Messiah—with a peppermint hot chocolate in tow. Little things that are within my influence that make me joyful.”
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,“I remind myself that if I drink, I’ll escape the moment. And I don’t want to escape the moment because I like my life.”
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,“Living in Thailand means there are fewer expectations around the winter holidays. Even so, I safeguard my sobriety year-round by prioritizing the routines and practices that keep me present, grounded, and able to show up fully for myself and others. Daily meditation, yoga, and time spent in silence and solitude are essential.
Sober holidays are magical because I’m fully here—fully present—and able to deeply feel the love I have for my family. We connect over a Zoom call on my Christmas morning and their Christmas Eve. It’s not all happiness and joy; in many ways, it breaks my heart. But I’m here, feeling it all, loving with my whole heart. To me, that’s the greatest gift of sobriety.”
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,“Give myself permission not to attend gatherings that aren’t fun without booze like my company’s Christmas party. Otherwise, take my own bubbly waters or NA beers to friends’ gatherings, or order one at another party.
Sober holidays are special because I’m present with my daughters and wife. I’m not wondering if I can get a drink and walk through the lights I just enjoy the lights. Milkshakes and then driving around town to look at Christmas lights because I’m not drinking and can happily drive. Christmas movies at home cuddled up with our daughters. All great sober.”
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,“I genuinely just like holding something so I normally get a fizzy drink and let my personality dazzle everyone else (jokes but it’s always interesting to just watch other people drink, it kind of makes me not interested in drinking at all if that makes any sense?) but also it helps that I’m with a group that never forces me to do something I don’t want to do or question me on it.”
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,“I plan ahead which means I always pour my own non-alcoholic drink in an easily identifiable glass. No Solo cups. I also drive myself to the event in order to be able to leave if I’m uncomfortable.
For the second question, I enjoy the ability to be present and not acting like an ass.”
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,“One that’s been SO important for me is remembering it’s OK to find the holidays hard. It’s OK if you feel lots of painful feelings like grief, sadness, resentment, overwhelm, stress. Being with family can be hard, and triggering.
The holidays can also be a time when we really miss people we have lost - and we may feel grief for other things too, like what we had, or didn’t have, in our own childhoods. For me, Christmas has brought up a lot of grief for me for years because my mother died the January just after I turned 14 (my birthday is Christmas Eve). For so many years I drank to try and escape my feelings of grief. I told myself I was ‘wrong’ for feeling it - that Christmas is a happy time and I shouldn’t feel dread, loneliness or sadness. My first sober Christmas was huge for me because it was the first time I welcomed my grief and sadness. I allowed myself to feel it. I cried a lot. And it was OK.
The more I have turned towards my grief with compassion and allowed it to be just as it is, the more it has lessened. These days it still visits me, and it hurts, but it hurts so much less than the suffering I was in when I tried to drink it away.
So if the holidays bring up grief or other painful feelings I really encourage you to take such good care of yourself. Be so gentle with yourself. And remember that these feelings just want to be felt. When they are acknowledged and accepted, they can can move and shift and unfurl, and make way for other feelings that may be there alongside the painful ones. Perhaps feelings of gratitude and joy will be there too.”
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,“I safeguard by making sure I have the time and space to do my routines. Keeping up with my skincare, meditation, stretching is suuuuper helpful to get me in the right mindset and not feel overwhelmed and out of sorts.
At holiday parties I drink cranberry juice (Trader Joe’s 100% is sooo good for you) with sparkling water and a lemon in a wine glass. It does help me to have something to hold and using the wine glass makes me feel included. Feeling ‘othered’ in sobriety, especially around family during the holidays, is such a triggering feeling.
I remind myself that these could be my last moments with these people and I want to be present, imperfect as we all and the moments may be. I also remind myself of how wonderfully my first holiday sober went—for the first time, I wasn’t a source of drama, outbursts, etc. Not only that, but I was able to actually help diffuse tense situations and create a more peaceful atmosphere. For the first time, I didn’t arrive super anxious wondering what I may say or do and I didn’t leave feeling regretful and disappointed. That was such a huge win and validation that I am better sober and my environment is too.
(Another thing that helps—this is vain but whatever—is having an awesome fit. Knowing you look good can help you feel a lot better inside.)”
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,“To answer the first question, I try as much as possible to avoid slippery situations. On the rare occasions when I attend a party or gathering where alcohol is served, I order my go-to drink of seltzer and cranberry juice with a twist of lime. If anyone comments about it I just say I’m driving.
As to what’s magical about the holidays? Often it’s the opportunity to be of service in ways that make a difference. One thing I sometimes do is play secret Santa for poor families who don’t have the means to bring presents to their kids. Having grown up poor I know what that’s like. It makes me feel good when I can contribute something that I know makes someone happy and feel loved.”
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,“1) I write about my best techniques in my blog, Recovering in Recovery (Holiday Edition)—in short, though, I am so, so, gentle with myself and I go back to how I cared for myself so diligently in very early sobriety.
I remember in my bones that I don’t drink, one day at a time. I play the tape forward: this would end so badly.
I also have to be very aware and on the lookout for the thing after the thing - just because I did, in fact, make it through a sober Thanksgiving meal or a sober Christmas present opening does not guarantee the thought of a drink won’t strike me once I’ve gotten home (as in, ‘I deserve this’).
I am gentle with myself and lean into my coping tools, some good and some more maladaptive than others: a hot bath, my acupressure mat, anything that brings me back to my body; or too much chocolate and soda and pie or bread and butter. Cigarettes if things take a very bad turn.
I also go back to basics: I say please in the morning and thank you at night, and I recognize so long as I am sober, then the world is exactly as it is meant to be and I will be just fine, even if I don’t like all my feelings.
2) Sober holidays are magical because I know I won’t feel shame or regret surrounding my behavior because of my drinking (note that I might still feel shame or regret, but it is absolute magic for it to not be related to my drinking).
I can be present and focused and create true memories with my kids. I’m not waiting to refill my Bloody Mary while they open presents, or wondering if I can manipulate someone into driving us home.
Because of my sobriety, I am categorically, 100% Kristen - my true authentic self. I don’t love everything holiday but I do love looking myself in the mirror and knowing I showed up, god dammit, doing the best I can, exactly as I am.”
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,“My mornings generally look the same. Black coffee, my notebook and 2-4 minutes capturing three simple things: 1 win & 1 memorable moment of the day before, and 1-2 actions that I’ll use to set the pace for the day ahead. It’s focus and intention around what’s good.
By mid-morning, I’ve usually burnt off some stress through lifting or exercise. Moving my body helps to clear my head.
The holidays can be chaotic—so, I might want to lean on someone I trust, someone who genuinely gets me. It’s grounding, and reminds me I’m not alone.
When the holidays hit, I pour myself into family. Catching up, sharing stories. Maybe most importantly, I try to lean all the way in. Be it specific conversations or just sharing a quiet moment, being in the moment is everything.”
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,“I have nothing to offer but a ‘thank you’ for compiling this as I navigate my first sober holidays.” [Thank you so much for being here, Nate. Congrats and blessings on your first sober holidays!]
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We’d love for you to share in the comments!
How do you safeguard your sobriety during the holidays?
What makes sober holidays magical or special?
Also, please take a moment to tap the little heart before you go. It lets others know there’s something useful here and helps us grow this community.
Wishing you a beautiful, sober holidays.
The comments shared in this post resonated strongly with me. How lucky am I, as a highly aware alcoholic, to be reading such lovely words?!
Throughout my years of sobriety, especially during the holidays, I continue to find tremendous gratitude and appreciation for being able to stay away from alcohol.
I celebrate hard and drink a lot of delicious drinks- iced cold water with a peppermint candy dropped in is a delicious peppermint tea that is my favorite.
This is the first holiday season in which my dad has passed. He was my sober Knight in Shining Armor. I crave seeing him, listening to him, hugging him and our authentic conversations. I miss his lovely spirited and gracious manner. I miss the stories he repeated over and over again- “Did I ever tell you this story? Oh Heidi, you’re the best thing that ever happened in my life. I’m so grateful and proud of you. You’ve always been so gracious and fun to be around.”
Nobody else has ever said those words to me before.
I hold in my body, mind and spirit an overflowing gratitude for him.
Not only did he treat me like a princess daughter, he elevated my consciousness to a degree that no one else could.
My grateful heart and immense spirit for life, on any day, is the best gift ever.
Being sober, mindful and gracious is a human trait that I have developed as my sobriety continues on a day to day basis. I work hard and play hard to keep my spiritual health at its peak.
With gratitude, kindness and living my authentic life, I am able to feel and process my emotions in a healthy manner.
Thank you all for your inspiring comments 💖
Thank you for the mention! Wishing everyone a very happy and safe holidays :)