I think about this A LOT, Leah, and am hopeful. There was actually a great piece in the NYT just last week that dipped (a little shallowly imho) into the potential cultural shift you’re talking about, and how government supported messaging/policy-making is what has historically done the trick.
And you’re right, I think, about there needing to be an alternative for folks to go to, particularly for the many who’d never seek treatment, right? Like me, like so so many. I’m not a psilocybin gal, but cbd and NA beers really helped me make the transition more smoothly and with some pleasure. (And both are socially acceptable!)
In Canada, the government has already been saying that no amount of alcohol is good for you (we’ve often heard that wine has health benefits). It kind of feels like we could be on the cusp of a shift!
Given how much I enjoined and personally gained from your Sober Sub, and from… sheesh… ALL your writing, this is a big deal. Deepest thanks back to you, Kaitlyn. Doing a little freedom dance with you. 💃
Kevin, my friend… I’m sad and heartened both. Common experience through the toughest stuff is always hard to celebrate, but it sure does make the sharing of it a truly profound experience.
It is an insane idea that someone would drink to see how sober they could seem, but I was right there with you during that time. Thanks for sharing, this is the first time I’ve heard someone else say that, and I don’t feel as crazy.
Completely nuts/not nuts, Phil… and I’m both comforted and saddened that you get it. It was always an intellectual challenge for me, being too afraid to push myself in other ways. I’m deeply touched this resonated with you—you’re certainly not crazy, nor alone.
I had never put together, though, the connection between “foisted potential” I’ll call it, and this kind of physiological response. I was in gifted programs from kindergarten on, and could never quite decide what I wanted to be when I grew up. Not because I didn’t have interests, but because of what would happen if I failed at one of them. Drinking was socially acceptable, low stakes (hindsight, AMIRITE), and I was almost guaranteed to win, or to at least hide, or spin, my losses.
My younger sister had special needs, so I was left to just ‘be perfect,’ which became an exercise in expert coasting. I was smarter and more ambitious than that though, always, but far too conflicted about pushing outward and then failing.
Drinking was exactly that—the low stakes game. And it got me the attention I craved, the respect for a ‘skill’ I needed, and the disengagement necessary to continue in neutral. Yes: guaranteed.
While a tremendous challenge, as you well know, my intention is always to be of service with the telling of it all. Thank you, my friend. Your support means the world. 🧡
Powerful story, Bree. Fortunately, I haven’t had to deal with alcoholism but I am a cancer survivor. I can’t image having to deal with both at one time. A true testament to your bravery and will.
I do wonder if we’re going to have a moment like what happened with smoking, where public awareness is so strong that it’s largely no longer acceptable (depending on where you live)…I wonder if we’ll ever have that for alcohol. Maybe mushrooms will provide the new socially acceptable high.
I think about this A LOT, Leah, and am hopeful. There was actually a great piece in the NYT just last week that dipped (a little shallowly imho) into the potential cultural shift you’re talking about, and how government supported messaging/policy-making is what has historically done the trick.
And you’re right, I think, about there needing to be an alternative for folks to go to, particularly for the many who’d never seek treatment, right? Like me, like so so many. I’m not a psilocybin gal, but cbd and NA beers really helped me make the transition more smoothly and with some pleasure. (And both are socially acceptable!)
In Canada, the government has already been saying that no amount of alcohol is good for you (we’ve often heard that wine has health benefits). It kind of feels like we could be on the cusp of a shift!
O’ Canada… so ahead of our curve here in the states. Let’s keep talking and writing about it, it will happen!
Given how much I enjoined and personally gained from your Sober Sub, and from… sheesh… ALL your writing, this is a big deal. Deepest thanks back to you, Kaitlyn. Doing a little freedom dance with you. 💃
🥹🥹 🪩
Wow, Bree. So powerful. Thank you for sharing your story.
Thank you, Dana. It was an honor to contribute. I’d even go so far as to say it was an unexpected pleasure to write. 😌
"Over the following years, into my teens and then 20s, drinking became a secret skill to cultivate and a talent to share—proudly, but also quietly."
I felt every letter of this sentence.
Kevin, my friend… I’m sad and heartened both. Common experience through the toughest stuff is always hard to celebrate, but it sure does make the sharing of it a truly profound experience.
Thank you. APPRECIATE you.
100%
Tbh, until reading your story, it never occurred to me that anyone else thought this way. If nothing else, it’s nice to know I wasn’t the only one.
It is an insane idea that someone would drink to see how sober they could seem, but I was right there with you during that time. Thanks for sharing, this is the first time I’ve heard someone else say that, and I don’t feel as crazy.
Completely nuts/not nuts, Phil… and I’m both comforted and saddened that you get it. It was always an intellectual challenge for me, being too afraid to push myself in other ways. I’m deeply touched this resonated with you—you’re certainly not crazy, nor alone.
I had never put together, though, the connection between “foisted potential” I’ll call it, and this kind of physiological response. I was in gifted programs from kindergarten on, and could never quite decide what I wanted to be when I grew up. Not because I didn’t have interests, but because of what would happen if I failed at one of them. Drinking was socially acceptable, low stakes (hindsight, AMIRITE), and I was almost guaranteed to win, or to at least hide, or spin, my losses.
Wow, Phil. The same for me.
My younger sister had special needs, so I was left to just ‘be perfect,’ which became an exercise in expert coasting. I was smarter and more ambitious than that though, always, but far too conflicted about pushing outward and then failing.
Drinking was exactly that—the low stakes game. And it got me the attention I craved, the respect for a ‘skill’ I needed, and the disengagement necessary to continue in neutral. Yes: guaranteed.
What an acute connection, Phil… amazing
Bree, thank you for sharing your life here. Many gems of wisdom here. I wish you freedom, always.
While a tremendous challenge, as you well know, my intention is always to be of service with the telling of it all. Thank you, my friend. Your support means the world. 🧡
Beautifully and honestly told. Thank you, Bree. Knowing you’re out there getting to feel that freedom fills me with more of it. 💕
A really powerful message, beautifully told, Bree. I’m glad you’re sober and healthy.
Thank you, Chris, for your support and kind words. I certainly am too!
Powerful story, Bree. Fortunately, I haven’t had to deal with alcoholism but I am a cancer survivor. I can’t image having to deal with both at one time. A true testament to your bravery and will.
Nolan, of all the commonalities to share, I sure wish it weren’t cancer. And yet here we both are, brave, willful and creating our way outward.
Our capabilities can astound us, can’t they??
I though the only commonality that we shared was being the coolest person on Substack!
Have a beautiful weekend, Bree.
Why state the obvious, Nolan. 😉
And to you, my friend!
I do wonder if we’re going to have a moment like what happened with smoking, where public awareness is so strong that it’s largely no longer acceptable (depending on where you live)…I wonder if we’ll ever have that for alcohol. Maybe mushrooms will provide the new socially acceptable high.
So stunningly written, Bree. Wow. Thank you for sharing ferociously and craft-fully.
Thank you, friend! Your attentions and response here, your kind reading, such an honor. Fuel… strong and sustaining.