Such a beautiful share, Ren. Thank you for offering another version of what “quality of life” might look like.
For me, “quality of life” means considering the whole of my life (or even a 24-hour cycle); doing things that make me feel worse overall no longer feel worth the tradeoffs and cost. I don’t socialize much, but I have noticed that many folks don’t care if I don’t drink. They’re more interested in whether THEY can drink (unless they’re sober).
In my experience when they are getting uncomfortable around someone not drinking it’s really more about them than you. It makes them analyze their own relationship with booze and when you’re in the thick of it (and about to pour your next drink), that’s the last thing you want.
I am sorry you even have to go through this and worry about excuses. I usually make a joke like “I had too much already” which is technically true, albeit 3 years ago. My true friends have been happy for me and curious, never pressuring or judgy. I got sober by continuing to visit a bar everyday where it was common to take shots at 9 am - they just started serving me na options instead. I needed support and community and this was what I knew. When everyone knows they have a problem, nobody is annoyed by somebody who is doing something about it. It felt very much like my friends congratulating me for getting out of prison, even though they were still stuck.
All this to say, I hope you have an easier time of it and I certainly wouldn’t stick around (or go) to occasions like this if I felt uncomfortable at all. I leave social events all the time. It might sound dramatic but my sobriety, and therefore my life, is at risk if I stay. Always byo na beverage and ask the bar to start serving na beers or stop going there. I didn’t go to a bar for 2 years bc of this and eventually they started stocking them. Tonic or ginger beer are my other go tos if I’m desperate.
I hope this helps. Good luck out there and congratulations on your sobriety! IWNDWYT
As to your last paragraph, I know it’s not for everyone and I hope it’s ok to mention here, but I found using cannabis to be the social lubricant that helps me loosen up a little.
I also found that my deepest fear about sobriety was not being fun anymore.
I am still fun! It took awhile to be really comfortable in high-alcohol situations, but it was very gratifying to learn that I am the very same person I always was.
I got sober after chemotherapy (OMG are you right about making it taste like elixir of heaven!) and now, nine years later, five years sober, I’m facing chemo again. Man, I am NOT looking forward to those hangovers, but it’s better than having one every day for the last 20 years prior.
Best of luck to you in your healthy and beautiful life.
Thank you for sharing this. Cannabis is still legally on par with cocaine here. Even cbd is only for terminal patients. It's bizarre. I hope that this bout with chemo will go gently with you!!
Such a beautiful share, Ren. Thank you for offering another version of what “quality of life” might look like.
For me, “quality of life” means considering the whole of my life (or even a 24-hour cycle); doing things that make me feel worse overall no longer feel worth the tradeoffs and cost. I don’t socialize much, but I have noticed that many folks don’t care if I don’t drink. They’re more interested in whether THEY can drink (unless they’re sober).
In my experience when they are getting uncomfortable around someone not drinking it’s really more about them than you. It makes them analyze their own relationship with booze and when you’re in the thick of it (and about to pour your next drink), that’s the last thing you want.
I am sorry you even have to go through this and worry about excuses. I usually make a joke like “I had too much already” which is technically true, albeit 3 years ago. My true friends have been happy for me and curious, never pressuring or judgy. I got sober by continuing to visit a bar everyday where it was common to take shots at 9 am - they just started serving me na options instead. I needed support and community and this was what I knew. When everyone knows they have a problem, nobody is annoyed by somebody who is doing something about it. It felt very much like my friends congratulating me for getting out of prison, even though they were still stuck.
All this to say, I hope you have an easier time of it and I certainly wouldn’t stick around (or go) to occasions like this if I felt uncomfortable at all. I leave social events all the time. It might sound dramatic but my sobriety, and therefore my life, is at risk if I stay. Always byo na beverage and ask the bar to start serving na beers or stop going there. I didn’t go to a bar for 2 years bc of this and eventually they started stocking them. Tonic or ginger beer are my other go tos if I’m desperate.
I hope this helps. Good luck out there and congratulations on your sobriety! IWNDWYT
Really beautiful to hear how your friends and community supported you. ❤️
It does. Thank you for sharing!
Hi Ren,
As to your last paragraph, I know it’s not for everyone and I hope it’s ok to mention here, but I found using cannabis to be the social lubricant that helps me loosen up a little.
I also found that my deepest fear about sobriety was not being fun anymore.
I am still fun! It took awhile to be really comfortable in high-alcohol situations, but it was very gratifying to learn that I am the very same person I always was.
I got sober after chemotherapy (OMG are you right about making it taste like elixir of heaven!) and now, nine years later, five years sober, I’m facing chemo again. Man, I am NOT looking forward to those hangovers, but it’s better than having one every day for the last 20 years prior.
Best of luck to you in your healthy and beautiful life.
Thank you for sharing this. Cannabis is still legally on par with cocaine here. Even cbd is only for terminal patients. It's bizarre. I hope that this bout with chemo will go gently with you!!
Sending blessings for steadiness and serenity over this next while. And heart-sourced congrats on your five years sober. ❤️