Thank you for this Lindsey. How i relate soooo well. Even after 6 years. That "voice" will still return out of nowhere. I moved to a couple county's away since I used. But I have to drive through those counties alot & I'm always seeing the houses i used to go to. Or the places I used at. But I have gained sooo much through these 6 years. I couldn't imagine ever going back. Even as HARD as life gets. Thank you again for this.
I appreciate the reframe of wholeness as the goal of sobriety. It’s exciting to notice that I’m finally at a place in life where I want that wholeness more than a false happiness. Thanks for writing <3
it’s moving to hear that you’re in a place where wholeness feels like the deeper goal. that’s exactly what i was trying to get at, and it means a lot to know it connected with you. thank you.
Sobriety for me has given me myself back. I've been able to pull off the mask. To embrace what is challenging head on and sit through it with patience and openness. The mountain can test you every single day and each step going up is so worth it. Thank you for your words.
I love that image of climbing the mountain, you can get there quickly and crash down, or you can climb, learning and growing along the way. Getting to feel a whole range of human emotions is what you gain from sobriety. You get to live your full life and experience all the ups and downs that being human offers. Feeling is the only way through, and I am grateful for sobriety that I get to feel.
Don't conquer the mountain, become one with the mountain.
Experience life while letting go of the results. Not to win or lose, control or relinquish. Fear dissipates. There is no good step or bad step, only the best possible foothold brought about by unencumbered focus. There is no past or future, anticipation or regret, worry or remorse, success or failure. All that is when becoming one with the mountain is fully engaged sobriety, free from cravings. We don't struggle to the top. There is no "if only I can keep going, I can reach the top." There is only this moment. No end. No how will I make it back down the mountain or what will I do then. No that was great or terrible. Perfect sobriety is being fully engaged, at one with the mountain, with each other, with the car ride, with each breath. There are no chores or tasks, no expectations or resentments, no better than or worse. Just sobriety.
Right now, I will not conquer the moment, I will become one with the moment.
yes, this exactly. there’s no need to chase perfection, just like there’s no “right” step in sobriety — only this moment. thank you for adding your perspective.
Wow did I need to read this this morning. I'm definitely going through it right now and honestly the only thing I can say I've done right is I haven't drank. Thank you for thr reminder that I do have to go through tough situations, but I don't have to do it in an unhealthy manner. So today I will practice love, tolerance and acceptance. And live happy joyous and free even though the tough stuff. Thank you!
staying sober through all of it is an incredible feat that we don't always give ourselves credit for. you’re doing the hard work, and that matters. keep climbing, one step at a time. thank you for your openness :)
Lindsey, I loved this. This, "The point isn’t to get to the end as fast as possible. The same, I say, is true for recovery. and this, "The goal isn’t happiness all the time—it’s wholeness." I resonated with this whole piece. Thank you. 🙏
I enjoyed this as it was exactly what I needed to hear. It is not feeling good all the time, it is about experiencing life and not escaping from it. Thank you for the timely reminder.
I liked "Learning to exist with pain without letting it consume you" I guess that's why alcohol or any addiction comes into it in the first place because whatever bothered us consumed us so we needed something to hide under...so when were raw and sober we're dealing with past pain and even present pain...dealing with all that is the key...and loved the elevator story makes a lot of sense with the highs and lows, the numbing...Ty for sharing.
Thank you Lindsey. That was a fabulous read, and right on the button. I have a long long drinking life behind me - and despite a couple of slips am just over a year sober. I love the mountain analogy. I do still crave that shorter quick lift to the top of the mountain, to day dream about what my life could have been - or would have been had I stopped drinking earlier. It is sad. Thanks for writing this heartfelt authentic piece. I too am writing about my journey but the shame sometimes takes my breath away. The decisions I've taken due to drink have led to catastrophic choices in my life, despite various degrees and still managing to work, while dipping in and out of disastrous relationships with men, resulting in 3 kids (who I adore). I have come to so many clarity moments in the past year and you're right, sobriety isn't easy. Especially when we gain clarity and the fog clears. For example, I realise that my relationships with men don't work, simply because I'm queer. I tried to come out in my 30s with 3 kids, but just couldn't do it, so resorted to hiding behind the booze again. Now I'm sober and living with a man who I married, but I cannot abide being near to. I have even renovated the garage so that I can live down here. We obviously have to interact but since I came out to him, things have been very awkward. He won't accept it, even though we have not had a physical relationship for 7 years. (and even then I had to be drunk as I did with all sex with men) I am trying to find a way to escape and live my authentic life, whether climbing that mountain is challenging or not, I believe it is something worthwhile as I reach my third age. It's now or never. I long for a loving relationship with someone on my wavelength, with whom I can laugh, and we have each other's backs, and a fulfilling physical relationship. I'm not over the hill yet. Wow, have I gone on. Your writing has evoked a lot of feeling in me, and once you know, you know. There's no getting away from it, unless of course I turn back to drinking, and sink into oblivion. For the moment I choose Tea and oat cake - homemade - as an act of self compassion, and will seek out those who are on my wave length. Who knows what will happen? Thank you. x
it's hard not to think of the "what ifs" and the wishes — if i'd stopped drinking earlier, maybe i could've saved myself a lot of heartache. but i didn't know then what i know now. i wish i'd understood, before my brother passed from alcoholism, that i was heading down a similar path. i wish i could've turned to him with more compassion. i wish, i wish. but again, i didn’t know. now i do. and i'm better for it. all those years drinking and using—they taught me something. i know how much it hurts, because it hurt me for so long. i'm so glad this piece resonated with you. and i really get it. no, you're not over the hill. tea and oatcake sound delicious. thank you, thank you for sharing.
This was like the reading an article about myself but in a way that I could not express it. Thank you Lindsey. I really needed to read your brilliant work this morning. I'm back to very early days of sobriety after not being still with the uncomfortable. I shall use the "climbing a mountain" analogy often. <3
thank you, amy 🥹 i’m so glad you connected with this piece and that the mountain analogy feels helpful. i’ve been in that place too, and know how heavy it can feel. you got this 💪
This is such an accurate illustration of what it’s like to be “in recovery.” I’m almost 3 years sober and still grappling that urge to take the elevator to the top of the mountain, not with drugs and alcohol anymore, but impatience with the current state of my own reality. It’s like I have been under the illusion that a person can achieve a state of eternal bliss, and it is the hardest thing to let go of that dream.
congratulations on almost 3 years! that’s amazing! and thank you for sharing. even though I consider myself pretty self-aware, I still struggle with letting go of that idea of eternal bliss too. It’s definitely a process 🤍
This is stunning writing, Lindsey - and such a powerful, vital message. Thank you for sharing with such openness and honesty.
Thank you for this Lindsey. How i relate soooo well. Even after 6 years. That "voice" will still return out of nowhere. I moved to a couple county's away since I used. But I have to drive through those counties alot & I'm always seeing the houses i used to go to. Or the places I used at. But I have gained sooo much through these 6 years. I couldn't imagine ever going back. Even as HARD as life gets. Thank you again for this.
I appreciate the reframe of wholeness as the goal of sobriety. It’s exciting to notice that I’m finally at a place in life where I want that wholeness more than a false happiness. Thanks for writing <3
it’s moving to hear that you’re in a place where wholeness feels like the deeper goal. that’s exactly what i was trying to get at, and it means a lot to know it connected with you. thank you.
Sobriety for me has given me myself back. I've been able to pull off the mask. To embrace what is challenging head on and sit through it with patience and openness. The mountain can test you every single day and each step going up is so worth it. Thank you for your words.
I love that image of climbing the mountain, you can get there quickly and crash down, or you can climb, learning and growing along the way. Getting to feel a whole range of human emotions is what you gain from sobriety. You get to live your full life and experience all the ups and downs that being human offers. Feeling is the only way through, and I am grateful for sobriety that I get to feel.
yess Janine. i’m so grateful, too. :)
Don't conquer the mountain, become one with the mountain.
Experience life while letting go of the results. Not to win or lose, control or relinquish. Fear dissipates. There is no good step or bad step, only the best possible foothold brought about by unencumbered focus. There is no past or future, anticipation or regret, worry or remorse, success or failure. All that is when becoming one with the mountain is fully engaged sobriety, free from cravings. We don't struggle to the top. There is no "if only I can keep going, I can reach the top." There is only this moment. No end. No how will I make it back down the mountain or what will I do then. No that was great or terrible. Perfect sobriety is being fully engaged, at one with the mountain, with each other, with the car ride, with each breath. There are no chores or tasks, no expectations or resentments, no better than or worse. Just sobriety.
Right now, I will not conquer the moment, I will become one with the moment.
Check: https://tinyurl.com/oneminserenity
Sober Not Just Dry, 365 Daily Messages for Alcoholism and Addiction Sobriety and Joy. Get it here: https://a.co/d/hH0cvZf
yes, this exactly. there’s no need to chase perfection, just like there’s no “right” step in sobriety — only this moment. thank you for adding your perspective.
Wow did I need to read this this morning. I'm definitely going through it right now and honestly the only thing I can say I've done right is I haven't drank. Thank you for thr reminder that I do have to go through tough situations, but I don't have to do it in an unhealthy manner. So today I will practice love, tolerance and acceptance. And live happy joyous and free even though the tough stuff. Thank you!
staying sober through all of it is an incredible feat that we don't always give ourselves credit for. you’re doing the hard work, and that matters. keep climbing, one step at a time. thank you for your openness :)
Me too Christina, just what I needed to hear
Lindsey, I loved this. This, "The point isn’t to get to the end as fast as possible. The same, I say, is true for recovery. and this, "The goal isn’t happiness all the time—it’s wholeness." I resonated with this whole piece. Thank you. 🙏
I enjoyed this as it was exactly what I needed to hear. It is not feeling good all the time, it is about experiencing life and not escaping from it. Thank you for the timely reminder.
I liked "Learning to exist with pain without letting it consume you" I guess that's why alcohol or any addiction comes into it in the first place because whatever bothered us consumed us so we needed something to hide under...so when were raw and sober we're dealing with past pain and even present pain...dealing with all that is the key...and loved the elevator story makes a lot of sense with the highs and lows, the numbing...Ty for sharing.
Love this. I need to remember the top of the mountain with the elevator. Brilliant.
Thanks for sharing your life ❤️
you need to put every ounce of energy you have into climbing this mountain, otherwise you will never reach the top. at least this is what i've learned
Thank you Lindsey. That was a fabulous read, and right on the button. I have a long long drinking life behind me - and despite a couple of slips am just over a year sober. I love the mountain analogy. I do still crave that shorter quick lift to the top of the mountain, to day dream about what my life could have been - or would have been had I stopped drinking earlier. It is sad. Thanks for writing this heartfelt authentic piece. I too am writing about my journey but the shame sometimes takes my breath away. The decisions I've taken due to drink have led to catastrophic choices in my life, despite various degrees and still managing to work, while dipping in and out of disastrous relationships with men, resulting in 3 kids (who I adore). I have come to so many clarity moments in the past year and you're right, sobriety isn't easy. Especially when we gain clarity and the fog clears. For example, I realise that my relationships with men don't work, simply because I'm queer. I tried to come out in my 30s with 3 kids, but just couldn't do it, so resorted to hiding behind the booze again. Now I'm sober and living with a man who I married, but I cannot abide being near to. I have even renovated the garage so that I can live down here. We obviously have to interact but since I came out to him, things have been very awkward. He won't accept it, even though we have not had a physical relationship for 7 years. (and even then I had to be drunk as I did with all sex with men) I am trying to find a way to escape and live my authentic life, whether climbing that mountain is challenging or not, I believe it is something worthwhile as I reach my third age. It's now or never. I long for a loving relationship with someone on my wavelength, with whom I can laugh, and we have each other's backs, and a fulfilling physical relationship. I'm not over the hill yet. Wow, have I gone on. Your writing has evoked a lot of feeling in me, and once you know, you know. There's no getting away from it, unless of course I turn back to drinking, and sink into oblivion. For the moment I choose Tea and oat cake - homemade - as an act of self compassion, and will seek out those who are on my wave length. Who knows what will happen? Thank you. x
it's hard not to think of the "what ifs" and the wishes — if i'd stopped drinking earlier, maybe i could've saved myself a lot of heartache. but i didn't know then what i know now. i wish i'd understood, before my brother passed from alcoholism, that i was heading down a similar path. i wish i could've turned to him with more compassion. i wish, i wish. but again, i didn’t know. now i do. and i'm better for it. all those years drinking and using—they taught me something. i know how much it hurts, because it hurt me for so long. i'm so glad this piece resonated with you. and i really get it. no, you're not over the hill. tea and oatcake sound delicious. thank you, thank you for sharing.
This was like the reading an article about myself but in a way that I could not express it. Thank you Lindsey. I really needed to read your brilliant work this morning. I'm back to very early days of sobriety after not being still with the uncomfortable. I shall use the "climbing a mountain" analogy often. <3
thank you, amy 🥹 i’m so glad you connected with this piece and that the mountain analogy feels helpful. i’ve been in that place too, and know how heavy it can feel. you got this 💪
This is such an accurate illustration of what it’s like to be “in recovery.” I’m almost 3 years sober and still grappling that urge to take the elevator to the top of the mountain, not with drugs and alcohol anymore, but impatience with the current state of my own reality. It’s like I have been under the illusion that a person can achieve a state of eternal bliss, and it is the hardest thing to let go of that dream.
congratulations on almost 3 years! that’s amazing! and thank you for sharing. even though I consider myself pretty self-aware, I still struggle with letting go of that idea of eternal bliss too. It’s definitely a process 🤍