Huge recognition and celebration of your path, Allison. I view parents who choose to get sober as heroes, offering a precious gift to themselves, their kids, and future generations.
Thank you, Dana. I feel so fortunate to have this space to write through this experience. Not a day goes by that I do not thank the heavens for having found sobriety. There is such a solid knowing in me that I show up my best self to those two kids because of it.
I feel like my sobriety is breaking a generational cycle. My daughter is sober at 22, and even my mom was talking about deactivating her wine box subscription at Easter brunch where I noticed no mimosas were flowing for the first time I could remember. I have my fingers crossed that it’s going to stop showing up at our family gatherings. Even when it’s hard and painful, sobriety is a gift!
Oh this brought such a smile to my face! I love hearing how your daughter is sober. I do believe change is on the horizon. The younger generation isn’t relying on alcohol the way we did. Breaking that cycle, baby!
Sobriety is the best kind of hard there is -I say that all the time. Best decision I ever made. 💪🏻
Thanks for being here -breaking the cycle and stigmas with me, Julie 🫶
11 is magic. And you are awake for all of it! 💪🏻💪🏻✨✨
Thanks, Julie. For reading and for letting me know you were there, too. We don’t have to live that way anymore and we can talk about it so that others hear that they don’t have to either. 🫶
So good Allison! I fully bought into the mommy wine idea or a few beers while I made dinner because “I had a lot of kids.”
What I needed though were skills and support. Now that I’m sober parenting, I see those little moments a lot more. The snuggles, the talking about their days, the bedtime routines are less rushed and more connected. I’m not exhausted and I’m learning so much more about myself and feelings. One thing though, that’s immeasurable are the terrible thoughts I used to have.
It’s so important to share the benefits of sober parenting. You don’t have to “have a problem” to quit drinking, just be curious to what it’s like.
💯 - there need not be a problem or bottom. It’s can be as simple as wanting to show up fully as a parent. As a human. As a partner. And show up to and for yourself, as you point out. Without the haze of alcohol, we plug back into ourselves and others.
Thanks for this thoughtful comment, Jessica. Here’s to the little moments we no longer miss. 💖
Thank you for sharing so openly about your experience. I imagine many people will feel themselves in your words, just as I have.
It’s such a game changer, parenting sober. The patience extends, the sweet moments are sweeter and when there are hard moments, I have all of me to work with in responding. It’s allowed me to be as close to the parent I’d hoped I could be. 🧡🧡
Kaitlyn, yes, yes yes - "I have all of me to work with in responding." That is everything. Parenting sober does not mean we will do everything perfectly, but it does mean that we will respond with a clear mind. It leaves room for the pause so that we don't react.
I have been practicing being more present in the last few months and have definitely noticed the difference it makes to be able to be there for my kids. Their snuggles and giggles are really what we need at the end of a hard day. Now I just need to work on getting off my phone.
Every word resonates. I’m so lucky to have discovered this beautiful journey of sobriety while my children are still relatively young. I have plenty of regrets from before I became sober but instead of torturing myself with those, I choose to look around every day and focus on the little moments in between with these wild ones every single day. Grateful is an understatement. Sobriety is magical.
Pure magic. I couldn't agree more. Thanks for reading and sharing your experience here, Britney! Focusing on the now - all the magic making taking place as we parent now (instead of/in place of regretting how we did things in the past) is where I chose to live, too!
I love to hear about the nighttime chats and giggles you now cherish with N and C.
I don't know if you heard this little nugget....when C and I got home from the Celtics, it was about 11:15pm. She went to bed. B was in the living room and N was downstairs playing video games. I went down to see him and we stayed up talking til about 1am!! We talked about everything and nothing and laughed and laughed! It was awesome. I finally said at 1am...i need to go to bed. N said, "no, I love this...ask me more questions...lets keep talking."
If I was not 2 years sober at this point, i would have stayed upstairs and made cocktails. I would have missed out on the opportunity to spend this precious time with my 16y.o. nephew...who wanted to spend time with me.
Thank you A for inspiring me to stop drinking. It's a true gift!
I quit drinking years ago, before I had kids. My dad died during the pandemic due to alcoholism. I think the routine of going into work was something he relied on and when that was gone, it was a spiral downward. I was especially thankful for my sobriety then (and now). The biggest thing I remember growing up in a family with drinking was the volatility, I never knew what parent I’d get, was it drunk dad? Was it happy dad? Angry dad? The stability is what I’m most proud of for my kids, they can always rely on me being me. Kudos on the sobriety!
Thanks for sharing your experiences here, Morgan. Alcoholism affects the whole family. And I know the pandemic exacerbated addictions. That was my experience. The wheels came off during 2020 - for me.
I’m sorry for the loss of your dad. I lost mine in 2020 as well. The grief I carried from that weaved together with all I was grieving b/c of Covid and I spiraled into feeling a loss of control. I got sober on January 2, 2021 and I know the heavy grief from 2020 was the catalyst in opening my eyes to my wreckage. I had to stop.
What I love in what you share is how accessible you are allowing yourself to be for your kids. You are right - alcohol has the ability to alter us so that others (particularly kids) don’t know how to connect with us. The instability that brings can be heartbreaking.
This was so beautiful and I can totally identify with all of it! Same experience with Covid.. same coping- I really don’t remember much of 2021. Got sober January 1, 2022 and never looked back. I cannot be the parent i want to be and drink the way I wanted to drink at the same time. Still the shame of the lost moments comes up- but I am so grateful for being present. My daughter just turned 11 and it’s just magic 🥹 thank you for sharing! It’s wonderful to see my feeling put to words. You truly have a gift.
11 is magic. And you are awake for all of it! 💪🏻💪🏻✨✨
Thanks, Julie. For reading and for letting me know you were there, too. We don’t have to live that way anymore and we can talk about it so that others hear that they don’t have to either. 🫶
Wow, Allison, this spoke so closely to my own experience. During the lockdown my friends in the neighbourhood and I would celebrate Fridays by leaving cocktails outside of one another's gates. My gin martinis became legendary for their potency. It never once occurred to me that drinking my way through the pandemic was not the best way to serve myself or my family. As you say, no judgement, but it's a thrill to have moved on from those out-of-focus days. Thank you for sharing your experience so generously!
Oh I know what that looks like! I was part of a moms group we called “Subourbon Tuesdays”. Because why not drink bourbon on a Tuesday afternoon while your kids run amuck 🤦♀️.
I think it’s become so normalized but underneath it all there is simply a deep desire to bond and commune in motherhood. I understand it all. I was wrapped up in it for so long.
Thanks for sharing your experience with it, too, Michelle. 💕
Thanks for sharing your experience. I was raised by people who were present, and maybe my grandma was a little TOO present lol! But the difference is unbelievable. It's easier for me to understand as an adult, all the things that are taken by drinking on the regular; time to spend with your kids, MONEY to do anything (and even free has a fee these days!), energy to do rewarding activities, mentally barely being there, physically not being there at all, etc.
I've watched some friends try to balance drugs/drinking with parenting and most have ended up with kids that are normalized to the behaviour and experiment themselves. Which they might have done anyway, but there's definitely easier access when it's in the house. Or kids that are unhealthy physically, mentally, often both. My buddy was dating a terrible woman whose children are teens now (both on meds, one overweight, one anemic, both spend all day on screens). One day she blurted out that she "ruined my kids" like she was proud of it?! She does still drink and use stimulants ("to lose weight") She and ex were both actively using and partying during their kids childhood and it's so heartbreaking to see these kids get cheated like that. I sincerely enjoyed hanging out with her daughter over her. Such a funny, smart, insightful young woman. I hope she gets into healthy habits and better health.
Congratulations on choosing a different path and sharing it so successfully for the benefit of others. These kinds of stories are much needed in a society TRAINED to celebrate with cancer causing cases of liquid happiness.
Thanks for this comment and sharing your experience. Substance use, in all its forms, is far reaching, that is for sure. I just hope that by living my sobriety out loud my kids will see that they have choices. They don't have to follow the crowd and believe that you "have to" drink to be alive and well and social. Let's show them another way, right?
And the conditioning and training you speak of, ugh! I'm so tired of the way alcohol is put up on a pedestal in our culture. I hear you there!
Kudos on your sobriety Allison as well as this piece. Well done. I also view anyone, parents especially, who step into accountability, sobriety and ask for help with recovery and healing as courageous heroes, cycle breakers and a wonderful example to their children and others still suffering. Showing up for ourselves and our families as the best version of ourselves on most days is truly a gift.
Thank you, Jennifer. The cycle breaking is huge - I agree. And personally, for me, it's about breaking more than just an addiction or substance use cycle. It's also about breaking cycles of distracting ourselves from ourselves. The ways we all can so easily avoid our feelings.
Thanks for reaching out with this comment. It means a lot.
I never had children, but found this very profound:
"What I’ve learned is that kids disclose things at night. Before they shut their eyes for the day, they want to share their hearts, their hurts, and their mixed minds with you. And when your mind is altered by alcohol, it won’t be open enough to receive it. You’ll miss these opportunities."
Thank you so much, Allison, for sharing this beautiful writing. I can relate to SO much of it. I smiled while reading it and also teared up a bit. As I approach 2 years of sobriety in November, I'm incredibly thankful that I'm on the same side of the fence as my sons (and family & friends). I LOVED the analogy you used about the chain-link fence. Brilliiant! Unfortunately it took me longer than you to get sober - I was 51 years old and my sons were 18 & 19 years old. In fact, 2 monumental things my sons said to me helped me get and STAY sober. On a beautiful fall night while I was drinking by myself by our patio firepit, my youngest son (adopted at the age of 18) said to me, "Mom, you're killing yourself. Everyone I love dies." Wow. It still took me 2 months after that to get sober. I often ask myself why that wasn't the last night. Because alcohol is additive, cunning & powerful, that's why:( Probably a month after that, my oldest son said something equally powerful. It was on a Sunday when I chose to day drink & be in and out of conciousness most of the day. "Mom, you always want me remember the fun times we've, but the more you drink, the more those memories fade." Well, that one really slapped me in the face. I have regrets, many regrets, but I'm finally at the place where I can be grateful for that statement. I certainly didn't want to be defined or remembered for the poor choices I made involving alcohol. I got sober right after that & stayed sober. Kids are amazing and smart, aren't they? I love my boys, and they now have a mom who is present & enjoying life more than ever. This comment got much longer than I had planned:) Thanks, again, for creating this space. I appreciate you:)
Thank you for sharing this here, Crystal. It’s never too late. Never.
You will always be your kids’ mom, right? And now you parent with presence and a clear mind. 💛 And now you are on that same side of that fence- with them.
Alcohol is cunning. When I look back at my story, I feel like it was always there, with its grip in me AND that it happened all at once. The line is blurred as to WHEN exactly it became too much. It’s an addictive substance so when we turn to it to cope and/or numb out, over time we will get addicted. I mean, how couldn’t we?
Huge recognition and celebration of your path, Allison. I view parents who choose to get sober as heroes, offering a precious gift to themselves, their kids, and future generations.
Thank you, Dana. I feel so fortunate to have this space to write through this experience. Not a day goes by that I do not thank the heavens for having found sobriety. There is such a solid knowing in me that I show up my best self to those two kids because of it.
I feel like my sobriety is breaking a generational cycle. My daughter is sober at 22, and even my mom was talking about deactivating her wine box subscription at Easter brunch where I noticed no mimosas were flowing for the first time I could remember. I have my fingers crossed that it’s going to stop showing up at our family gatherings. Even when it’s hard and painful, sobriety is a gift!
Oh this brought such a smile to my face! I love hearing how your daughter is sober. I do believe change is on the horizon. The younger generation isn’t relying on alcohol the way we did. Breaking that cycle, baby!
Sobriety is the best kind of hard there is -I say that all the time. Best decision I ever made. 💪🏻
Thanks for being here -breaking the cycle and stigmas with me, Julie 🫶
11 is magic. And you are awake for all of it! 💪🏻💪🏻✨✨
Thanks, Julie. For reading and for letting me know you were there, too. We don’t have to live that way anymore and we can talk about it so that others hear that they don’t have to either. 🫶
So good Allison! I fully bought into the mommy wine idea or a few beers while I made dinner because “I had a lot of kids.”
What I needed though were skills and support. Now that I’m sober parenting, I see those little moments a lot more. The snuggles, the talking about their days, the bedtime routines are less rushed and more connected. I’m not exhausted and I’m learning so much more about myself and feelings. One thing though, that’s immeasurable are the terrible thoughts I used to have.
It’s so important to share the benefits of sober parenting. You don’t have to “have a problem” to quit drinking, just be curious to what it’s like.
💯 - there need not be a problem or bottom. It’s can be as simple as wanting to show up fully as a parent. As a human. As a partner. And show up to and for yourself, as you point out. Without the haze of alcohol, we plug back into ourselves and others.
Thanks for this thoughtful comment, Jessica. Here’s to the little moments we no longer miss. 💖
Thank you for sharing so openly about your experience. I imagine many people will feel themselves in your words, just as I have.
It’s such a game changer, parenting sober. The patience extends, the sweet moments are sweeter and when there are hard moments, I have all of me to work with in responding. It’s allowed me to be as close to the parent I’d hoped I could be. 🧡🧡
That’s beautiful, Kaitlyn. ❤️
Kaitlyn, yes, yes yes - "I have all of me to work with in responding." That is everything. Parenting sober does not mean we will do everything perfectly, but it does mean that we will respond with a clear mind. It leaves room for the pause so that we don't react.
Thanks for sharing your experience here xoxoxo
I have been practicing being more present in the last few months and have definitely noticed the difference it makes to be able to be there for my kids. Their snuggles and giggles are really what we need at the end of a hard day. Now I just need to work on getting off my phone.
I agree Benjamin. The snuggles and laughter together brings greater relief than anything in a bottle can.
And me too. Me too with the phone struggles. I’ve found I have to physically move it to another room. And leave it.
Thanks for reading and sharing your thoughts.
Every word resonates. I’m so lucky to have discovered this beautiful journey of sobriety while my children are still relatively young. I have plenty of regrets from before I became sober but instead of torturing myself with those, I choose to look around every day and focus on the little moments in between with these wild ones every single day. Grateful is an understatement. Sobriety is magical.
Pure magic. I couldn't agree more. Thanks for reading and sharing your experience here, Britney! Focusing on the now - all the magic making taking place as we parent now (instead of/in place of regretting how we did things in the past) is where I chose to live, too!
I love to hear about the nighttime chats and giggles you now cherish with N and C.
I don't know if you heard this little nugget....when C and I got home from the Celtics, it was about 11:15pm. She went to bed. B was in the living room and N was downstairs playing video games. I went down to see him and we stayed up talking til about 1am!! We talked about everything and nothing and laughed and laughed! It was awesome. I finally said at 1am...i need to go to bed. N said, "no, I love this...ask me more questions...lets keep talking."
If I was not 2 years sober at this point, i would have stayed upstairs and made cocktails. I would have missed out on the opportunity to spend this precious time with my 16y.o. nephew...who wanted to spend time with me.
Thank you A for inspiring me to stop drinking. It's a true gift!
I did hear about this - Nate loved having that time with you. A sober Aunta is just as impactful as a sober mom! ❤️😘
This is a great read and I relate on every level. Just so grateful to be parenting sober.
Thanks for reading, Samantha! And me too - so grateful to have found another way. This side is so much better and clearer.
I quit drinking years ago, before I had kids. My dad died during the pandemic due to alcoholism. I think the routine of going into work was something he relied on and when that was gone, it was a spiral downward. I was especially thankful for my sobriety then (and now). The biggest thing I remember growing up in a family with drinking was the volatility, I never knew what parent I’d get, was it drunk dad? Was it happy dad? Angry dad? The stability is what I’m most proud of for my kids, they can always rely on me being me. Kudos on the sobriety!
Thanks for sharing your experiences here, Morgan. Alcoholism affects the whole family. And I know the pandemic exacerbated addictions. That was my experience. The wheels came off during 2020 - for me.
I’m sorry for the loss of your dad. I lost mine in 2020 as well. The grief I carried from that weaved together with all I was grieving b/c of Covid and I spiraled into feeling a loss of control. I got sober on January 2, 2021 and I know the heavy grief from 2020 was the catalyst in opening my eyes to my wreckage. I had to stop.
What I love in what you share is how accessible you are allowing yourself to be for your kids. You are right - alcohol has the ability to alter us so that others (particularly kids) don’t know how to connect with us. The instability that brings can be heartbreaking.
Thank you for being here 🙏🏼
♥️
This was so beautiful and I can totally identify with all of it! Same experience with Covid.. same coping- I really don’t remember much of 2021. Got sober January 1, 2022 and never looked back. I cannot be the parent i want to be and drink the way I wanted to drink at the same time. Still the shame of the lost moments comes up- but I am so grateful for being present. My daughter just turned 11 and it’s just magic 🥹 thank you for sharing! It’s wonderful to see my feeling put to words. You truly have a gift.
11 is magic. And you are awake for all of it! 💪🏻💪🏻✨✨
Thanks, Julie. For reading and for letting me know you were there, too. We don’t have to live that way anymore and we can talk about it so that others hear that they don’t have to either. 🫶
Wow, Allison, this spoke so closely to my own experience. During the lockdown my friends in the neighbourhood and I would celebrate Fridays by leaving cocktails outside of one another's gates. My gin martinis became legendary for their potency. It never once occurred to me that drinking my way through the pandemic was not the best way to serve myself or my family. As you say, no judgement, but it's a thrill to have moved on from those out-of-focus days. Thank you for sharing your experience so generously!
Oh I know what that looks like! I was part of a moms group we called “Subourbon Tuesdays”. Because why not drink bourbon on a Tuesday afternoon while your kids run amuck 🤦♀️.
I think it’s become so normalized but underneath it all there is simply a deep desire to bond and commune in motherhood. I understand it all. I was wrapped up in it for so long.
Thanks for sharing your experience with it, too, Michelle. 💕
Thanks for sharing your experience. I was raised by people who were present, and maybe my grandma was a little TOO present lol! But the difference is unbelievable. It's easier for me to understand as an adult, all the things that are taken by drinking on the regular; time to spend with your kids, MONEY to do anything (and even free has a fee these days!), energy to do rewarding activities, mentally barely being there, physically not being there at all, etc.
I've watched some friends try to balance drugs/drinking with parenting and most have ended up with kids that are normalized to the behaviour and experiment themselves. Which they might have done anyway, but there's definitely easier access when it's in the house. Or kids that are unhealthy physically, mentally, often both. My buddy was dating a terrible woman whose children are teens now (both on meds, one overweight, one anemic, both spend all day on screens). One day she blurted out that she "ruined my kids" like she was proud of it?! She does still drink and use stimulants ("to lose weight") She and ex were both actively using and partying during their kids childhood and it's so heartbreaking to see these kids get cheated like that. I sincerely enjoyed hanging out with her daughter over her. Such a funny, smart, insightful young woman. I hope she gets into healthy habits and better health.
Congratulations on choosing a different path and sharing it so successfully for the benefit of others. These kinds of stories are much needed in a society TRAINED to celebrate with cancer causing cases of liquid happiness.
Thanks for this comment and sharing your experience. Substance use, in all its forms, is far reaching, that is for sure. I just hope that by living my sobriety out loud my kids will see that they have choices. They don't have to follow the crowd and believe that you "have to" drink to be alive and well and social. Let's show them another way, right?
And the conditioning and training you speak of, ugh! I'm so tired of the way alcohol is put up on a pedestal in our culture. I hear you there!
Kudos on your sobriety Allison as well as this piece. Well done. I also view anyone, parents especially, who step into accountability, sobriety and ask for help with recovery and healing as courageous heroes, cycle breakers and a wonderful example to their children and others still suffering. Showing up for ourselves and our families as the best version of ourselves on most days is truly a gift.
Thank you, Jennifer. The cycle breaking is huge - I agree. And personally, for me, it's about breaking more than just an addiction or substance use cycle. It's also about breaking cycles of distracting ourselves from ourselves. The ways we all can so easily avoid our feelings.
Thanks for reaching out with this comment. It means a lot.
I never had children, but found this very profound:
"What I’ve learned is that kids disclose things at night. Before they shut their eyes for the day, they want to share their hearts, their hurts, and their mixed minds with you. And when your mind is altered by alcohol, it won’t be open enough to receive it. You’ll miss these opportunities."
Thanks for a beautiful essay.
Thank you, Tia. This comment means a lot, truly. I appreciate you placing it here.
Irrespective of being a parent, we were all children once, right? So we all know… 💕
Thank you so much, Allison, for sharing this beautiful writing. I can relate to SO much of it. I smiled while reading it and also teared up a bit. As I approach 2 years of sobriety in November, I'm incredibly thankful that I'm on the same side of the fence as my sons (and family & friends). I LOVED the analogy you used about the chain-link fence. Brilliiant! Unfortunately it took me longer than you to get sober - I was 51 years old and my sons were 18 & 19 years old. In fact, 2 monumental things my sons said to me helped me get and STAY sober. On a beautiful fall night while I was drinking by myself by our patio firepit, my youngest son (adopted at the age of 18) said to me, "Mom, you're killing yourself. Everyone I love dies." Wow. It still took me 2 months after that to get sober. I often ask myself why that wasn't the last night. Because alcohol is additive, cunning & powerful, that's why:( Probably a month after that, my oldest son said something equally powerful. It was on a Sunday when I chose to day drink & be in and out of conciousness most of the day. "Mom, you always want me remember the fun times we've, but the more you drink, the more those memories fade." Well, that one really slapped me in the face. I have regrets, many regrets, but I'm finally at the place where I can be grateful for that statement. I certainly didn't want to be defined or remembered for the poor choices I made involving alcohol. I got sober right after that & stayed sober. Kids are amazing and smart, aren't they? I love my boys, and they now have a mom who is present & enjoying life more than ever. This comment got much longer than I had planned:) Thanks, again, for creating this space. I appreciate you:)
Thank you for sharing this here, Crystal. It’s never too late. Never.
You will always be your kids’ mom, right? And now you parent with presence and a clear mind. 💛 And now you are on that same side of that fence- with them.
Alcohol is cunning. When I look back at my story, I feel like it was always there, with its grip in me AND that it happened all at once. The line is blurred as to WHEN exactly it became too much. It’s an addictive substance so when we turn to it to cope and/or numb out, over time we will get addicted. I mean, how couldn’t we?
Thanks reading and being here 🫶