How We Do Anything Is How We Do Everything
What happens when we trade one drug for another
As a Doctor of Traditional Chinese Medicine, I’m trained to look for patterns. Rather than focus on one symptom or body part, we consider the constellation that comprises the whole.
Whether you come in for back pain, brain fog, or the common cold, we want to know about everything. From the ache in your elbow, to the ringing in your right ear, to the frequency and consistency of your bowel movements: if you’re experiencing it, we want to know about it.
Only by gathering enough information can we diagnose not just your current condition but the specific, patterned way it’s playing out. From there, we create a treatment protocol tailored to you and your pattern.
If we were to instead focus on one symptom or part while neglecting the whole, well… We might be able to alleviate or even eliminate the most pressing symptom, but any accompanying symptoms and the underlying condition would go unresolved. Over time, you might even find yourself chasing one new symptom after the next. Without addressing the underlying issue, any healthcare modality tends to result in body-mind whack-a-mole.
Turns out, addiction works that way too.
How we do anything is how we do everything.
You know how some folks tend towards overdoing it? Whether that means overconsumption of booze or food or shopping or anything else? And how others tend towards underdoing in the form of restriction, elimination, and deprivation? And how others swing between those extremes?
Well, the old truism really is true: “How we do anything is how we do everything.”
Some common examples:
Folks who run late for social engagements often run late for work and appointments.
Folks who seek external validation and obsess about being “perfect” in one area often do so in others.
Folks who binge drink (or did in the past) often binge eat certain foods and/or binge with online shopping or scrolling.
Of course those are simplistic generalizations and don’t always hold true. Of course there are always exceptions. But be honest: do you see yourself in any of the above? If not those scenarios, can you think of other ways in which “how you do anything is how you do everything”?
Because I sure can. It’s no coincidence that I love my minimalist lifestyle and once struggled with anorexia. Even as a kid, I realized that elimination and restriction were my “drugs of choice” for coping with anxiety and calming the chaos.
While such behavior didn’t actually work to make me safer, more connected, and whole, it did bring momentary relief. That relief was addictive. Like any addiction, it arose from trying to get a need met but instead led to harm and perpetuated a painful, predictable cycle.
It’s also no coincidence that I overdo work and obsess about getting things “perfect.” This was the case in elementary school through grad school. This is the case currently, in both personal and professional projects. How I do anything is how I do everything—even when my habitual patterns cause pain.
But hold up, because “how we do anything” doesn’t have to be negative!
In recovery, it can be easy to get down on ourselves and to think in sweeping, unfavorable terms: Well, I guess this is how I do everything.
No! It doesn’t have to play out like it’s always played out. In fact, one of the greatest gifts of recovery is that it doesn’t play out the same way as before. In getting sober, we have an opportunity to step away from an unhelpful cycle and into something original, expansive, and healing.
BUT. One of our most important jobs is to take inventory of our patterns and get super honest. Otherwise, we might quit one drug just to find ourselves in a familiar, painful cycle with another behavior or substance.
Now, to be clear: I do believe in harm reduction. If you take up sugar or overwork or scrolling upon getting sober from alcohol, well, your sobriety from alcohol definitely comes first. Check work email after dinner. Eat all the sugar. Scroll all you want if it means staying sober.
And, I want more for us. I want us—as we feel ready—to consider our default patterns and get curious where we might shift them. Meaning, where we might change how we do anything and how we do everything.
The cool thing about this is you can reverse engineer it. If you find yourself doing one obvious thing in a way that feels like an old, unhelpful cycle, changing that thing in a helpful way will impact everything else. (This is also one of the greatest, most miraculous gifts of sobriety: the process of quitting alcohol and other drugs changes every aspect of us and every relationship in our lives.)
Can trading one addiction for another actually be healthy?
In recovery circles, we hear a lot of discussion about “substitution” and “transference.” Depending on who you listen to, subbing one addiction for another may be frowned upon, encouraged, or completely ignored.
Ultimately, there’s no one best way to recover. You are your number 1 caretaker and know best what you need. But when I say this—when I insist that you know best—I mean your truest, most honest self. I do not mean the part that defaults to patterns that numb, extinguish, and hurt us.
To determine whether you’re repeating old addictive patterns in a different form, try asking:
Is your use of this substance or behavior connecting or disconnecting? Does it leave you feeling more connected or less connected with your core values, intuition, and true self? How about with a Higher Power or Nature? Or with others in the sense of true intimacy (rather than bonding over a shared drug of choice)?
Does your use of this substance or behavior leave you feeling better? Not just in the moment, but afterwards? How about when you’re falling asleep that night? Do you ever wish you’d done more? Do you always wish you’d done less?
Do you absolutely need this right now to stay sober? If not, is it serving you? Is it supporting you in embodying your fullest, most alive expression and living more beautifully?
As you consider these questions, remember that what you need to stay sober may change over time. Perhaps, in your first months sober from alcohol, you give yourself permission to eat extra sweets, binge watch TV, or numb out by scrolling. (For me, it was overwork and way too much coffee.)
Then, as time passes, you may feel steadier and more secure in your sobriety. This doesn’t mean to get lax in your recovery. But it does offer a foundation from which to go deeper. You may feel ready to address where else you’re repeating or reproducing patterns that dim your light, make your life small, or feel harmful to body-mind-spirit.
Sure, substituting with other substances or behaviors may not be as harmful as drinking and drugging. But is harm reduction and damage control really the end goal and default?
If your answer is yes, that’s totally valid. Again: you know best what you need. But if not—if you, like me, embrace sobriety as an unending journey with unending layers—there’s always more to explore and discover.
The result? It’s pretty miraculous! Because without trying to force things—without turning sobriety into a stressful self-help project—we set change in motion through the very practice of paying attention, getting honest, and recognizing our part in our patterns.
How we do anything is how we do everything. And by bringing care and attention to our patterns, we expand our sphere of awareness—including awareness of our choices. We begin to pull towards what makes us feel better, not worse. We begin to pull towards being present, awake, and connected.
Your turn!
We’d love for you to share in the comments:
Is how you do anything how you do everything?
Have your default patterns stayed the same or changed in sobriety?
If you’ve been sober a while, has your relationship to “substitute” substances or behaviors changed over time?
And if you found this article helpful, please tap the little heart. It lets others know there’s something useful here and will help us grow this community.
xo, Dana
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Ohhhh that question of "Is it connecting or disconnecting?" is HUGE! I never actually thought of it that way. I remember when I was newly sober, my addiction transferred to yoga. I was doing yoga everyday, multiple times a day some days, and it was definitely connecting. I needed it in those moments to keep myself busy. I could also feel myself getting physically stronger and it was connecting me back to the sensations in my body, allowing me to feel myself grow stronger and to watch my body change—which I know isn't healthy for everyone, but it was that way into my body for me. There was also a part of me that enjoyed the pain, which is probably a whole other topic, but it feels important to note. I also notice now that I'm 4 years in, I notice myself slipping back into the more "disconnecting" habits like scrolling, overworking, and binge eating at times and it's hard to come back from it, but at least the awareness is more easily accessible and I can catch myself and ultimately choose my next steps. Thank you for this, Dana.
Examining our Relationships with things. 🙏👍