My Sobriety Story with Adam
“Starting over gave me the chance to rebuild my life on my own terms, and I now reframe this reset as an advantage.”
This series showcases personal stories of addiction recovery and sobriety. Today’s edition features
, an English sobriety advocate who draws on hard-won wisdom from rebuilding his life from the inside out after a chaotic addiction to alcohol. Through his brand, , he shares practical insights and personal stories on addiction, recovery, and lasting sobriety, with a vision of making it a valuable resource in the field of rehabilitation.When and how did you get sober?
My journey toward self-empowered sobriety was, ironically, anything but self-empowered.
In March 2022, a knock on my prison cell door led to a hospital transfer to treat a rare infection—just another consequence of alcohol misuse, like everything else in my life. Prison couldn’t provide the specific treatment, so I was handcuffed and taken to undergo a six-week course of intravenous medication. This was very lucky, in a way. Being handcuffed to officers in a quiet hospital side room felt like a luxury compared to the confines of a single cell shared by two inmates.
Two weeks into my hospital stay, I was day-released from the hospital and escorted to a court hearing. The court chose to release me from custody under conditions that included mandatory alcohol rehabilitation. Back on hospital grounds, now technically a free person, I immediately relapsed. I bumped into a guy drinking alcohol, and together we wandered to the nearest off-license. Misery loves company. I was fresh out of custody, facing a potentially life-threatening infection, and my first move was to drink the poison that had led to all of this in the first place. I got black-out drunk, as always.
I woke up in my hospital bed, where two doctors informed me that if I wished to continue my treatment, I was not to leave the ward. In that moment of regret, I agreed, and that day somewhere in early April 2022 was the last time alcohol passed my lips.
In early May, my probation officer arranged a direct transfer from the hospital straight into a residential rehab focused on Choice Theory. This door-to-door arrangement solved my 100-percent relapse risk, my court-mandated rehabilitation obligation, and my homelessness in one fell swoop. I doubt I’d be sober today, or even alive, without the NHS, the court’s decision, and the people who supported me during those critical days.
What was the turning point in your decision to get sober?
At first, getting sober wasn’t my choice. I was more stripped of the opportunity to drink than motivated to change. My main objective in rehab was to secure a place to live, eat, and fulfill my legal obligations. I spent the first three weeks disengaged from discussions.
The real turning point in my decision to get sober began in a group session on functional families. The group brainstormed healthy family dynamics on the whiteboard. I counted thirty-three attributes written before me and realized I’d only had one of them in my life. This caught my attention.
When we moved on to dysfunctional families, everything started to really click. I could see myself in nearly every dysfunctional trait we listed on that board. For the first time, I saw the roots of my issues spelt out clearly in black and white.
In another session, we explored the concept of “contamination”—the idea that a hurt inner child can carry trauma into adulthood, contaminating adult behaviors. This metaphor struck a powerful chord. I began to accept that my behaviors might reflect long-standing, unaddressed pain from childhood. Light bulbs went off, and I found myself open to the idea that healing these deeper wounds could help me break free from addiction.
As I read further into Choice Theory, I became increasingly convinced that by meeting my core needs, I could build a sober and fulfilling life. Some other practical frameworks proved to be useful too, like the idea that my reality is shaped by how I choose to act, and by how I choose to interpret and respond to external events. I started to realize I could take far more control over my life than I’d ever imagined by becoming aware of my own choices.
These pieces fit together like a jigsaw, and sobriety finally sank in as entirely my responsibility. I got it. I wanted it. I’d found addiction’s weak spot. Much like when Sarah defeats the Goblin King in Labyrinth by rejecting his power over her, I had my own breakthrough revelation about addiction: “You have no power over me.”
From that point, sobriety was no longer imposed by anyone else; it became an empowered decision from within me to reshape my own life. I extended my stay at rehab to four months, then moved into recovery housing, joining local recovery networks and attending community addiction groups.
What surprised you about getting sober?
I was surprised by how accessible peace was to me if I simply chose it. It had been there all along, but I’d been too wrapped up in chaotic thinking and destructive behavior to see it.
I realized that much of the chaos in my life had been self-imposed, and it became clear that I could actually do something about it. I’d spent years thinking that peace was some distant place on a mountaintop or an abstract concept reserved for Buddhist monks, but in reality, it was always within me, just waiting to be chosen.
Many people thought I’d die from alcoholism, and so did I. It feels surreal that I made it through severe addiction and dependency, and how I can now talk openly about it. Sobriety has given me something I’d never imagined: I’m creating a full and authentic life built on self-worth, purpose, and the strongest sense of agency I’ve ever known. All of this naturally occurring joy is simply there, surprisingly accessible.
What’s the biggest challenge you’ve encountered on your recovery journey?
The biggest challenges have been both internal and external.
The internal challenge was starting this journey with next to nothing. Although I had completed rehab, I felt both inept and indebted. Not just financially broke, but in other ways. I’d strained or broken good relationships, owed a debt to wider society, and carried this empty hole of wasted potential.
I had to accept responsibility for the reality I’d created, realize there was no quick fix, and understand that the road out would be long and winding. I went through a prolonged period of feeling pretty low. But from this blank slate, I found a strange kind of power: starting over gave me the chance to rebuild my life on my own terms, and I now reframe this reset as an advantage.
Externally, recovery housing has been its own challenge. These shared “dry” houses have a constant cycle of residents, many struggling to stay sober or not committed to sobriety at all. This instability and occasional conflict have been unsettling and, at times, quite dangerous. Yet, as frustrating or disheartening as this is to witness, I remind myself that what other people do is only information, and I control how I respond.
Living in those situations has taught me more about emotional regulation and patience than any book or program. I see hardships like this as tests to see if I “get” sobriety or not. I’m also reminded of my most important principle: I’ll never grant myself permission to relapse, no matter what. That’s a pact with myself locked in so deep, it’s written into the very core of who I am.
What are the biggest benefits or gifts of sobriety?
Omnia vincit amor. Love conquers all. That’s the motto my girlfriend and I give to our rekindled relationship and the vow we plan to make at our wedding, probably a low-key event in a quiet forest.
We met in 2015 but parted ways during my peak addiction years from 2019-2022. We’ve been back together since 2023, stronger than ever, thanks to sobriety. The separate journeys we each took revealed strengths and wisdom that we could never have imagined. I didn’t get sober for Danielle—I got sober for myself. But my sobriety has given us the chance to be together again, to grow individually and as a united force.
Beyond love, sobriety has given me the simple joys of everyday life. Waking up clear-headed, with a roof over my head, making my morning tea, watching the trees sway and the rivers flow—all the ordinary things now feel like luxuries.
I feel I’m thriving, at least internally, which to me is all that matters. I’ve found strength, freedom, connection, purpose, agency, and self-esteem, and I owe it all to authentically meeting my needs. Looking back, I wouldn’t change a thing, because my history with addiction, and the powerful lessons learned, have left me profoundly grateful for everything ordinary around me.
What words of advice would you give someone who’s considering sobriety or newly sober?
Focus on understanding your unmet core needs and orient your daily choices towards meeting them. If these needs were neglected in childhood, think of this process as a kind of re-parenting, where you are now the caregiver for your own growth and healing.
Your core needs are the fundamentals of who you are—not necessarily your wildest dreams, but the essentials like safety, belonging, learning, purpose, autonomy, and fun. Explore using therapy, support groups, and insightful literature to help you identify the needs that are true to you.
And be patient with yourself. This isn’t a quick-fix world any more—it’s one of slow, meaningful, habitual, and lasting change. Remember that lasting sobriety isn’t a single choice, but a thousand small daily decisions that meet your needs. Keep making good choices, even without immediate rewards, until they become part of who you are. Over time, it’s possible to build a fulfilling inner world that you no longer desire to escape.
Want to share your sobriety story?
Thank you for sharing, Adam! We look forward to connecting with you in the comments.
Want to be published on Sober.com? If you’re a sober writer, we invite you to contribute! Reach out to hello@danaleighlyons.com for details.
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I love this, Adam. I resonate strongly with your emphasis on choice and how our daily choices add up to shape our reality and our trajectory. Thank you for sharing and inspiring!
Adam, thank you for sharing your journey. Healthy choices, healthy life. I wish you a life of peace and happiness.