Things We Tell Ourselves to Stay Sober (And Live By)
Open thread, share your thoughts! 💬
What’s a tagline, slogan, or mantra that guides your sobriety journey?
I recently asked this question on Substack Notes, and the responses were beautiful, thoughtful, and deeply resonant. You’ll find them below, along with links to each writer’s profile and publication in case you’re looking for more sober writing and community.
We’d love to hear from you too! What words or phrases have supported your choice to get and stay sober?
Maybe it’s a classic like “One day at a time,” or wisdom from voices like:
Holly Whitaker: “We need to create a life we don’t need to escape.” (Quit Like a Woman)
Laura McKowen: “The real question underneath it all is, Am I free?” (We Are the Luckiest)
Or maybe your words come from a spiritual teacher, a meme, or your own brilliant mind.
Whatever it is—profound, playful, wise, or downright irreverent—we want to hear the words that serve as your reminder or compass. (And let us know the source, if it’s not your own.)
“From Mary Oliver’s poem The Summer Day: ‘what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?’” —
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“At the beginning, ‘Just for today Louise, just for today.’ Nowadays I say ‘slowly, gently’ so much that people will hear me saying it in their heads. Listen to all of them, take the ones that call to you. 💕” —
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“On surviving through the early days: My mantra was, ‘My sons will recover from eating McDonald’s Happy Meals and watching Toy Story 1-4, but they will never recover if their mom dies of alcoholism.’
Now: everything is happening exactly as it is meant to be happening—look for the lesson. (Also: more will be revealed. And…Do the next right thing)” —
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“Waking up on a Saturday morning has never felt better.” —
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“‘Secrets keep us sick’ is a powerful reminder of another favorite: ‘to thine own self be true.’ For me it’s all about honesty. We are either relentlessly honest with ourselves and others—or we’re headed back to enslavement.” —
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“‘Only when we are brave enough to explore the darkness will we discover the infinite power of our light.’ (Brene Brown)
I ran and I hid for so long behind the veil of alcohol, terrified of what I might find if I stopped and looked into the darkness. I always wanted to be accepted and to belong. Now, I’m finally existing without that debilitating fear of judgment that kept me stuck for so many years, and it’s so lovely and bright.” —
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“Something I come back to again and again—including in the next layers of sobriety, after more than five years alcohol-free—is a question I got from senior Buddhist teacher Gil Fronsdal. He asked (in a different context, but it still applies): Is it connecting or disconnecting?
Meaning, is something—whether a substance or a behavior—connecting me to my deepest, truest, most essential self? Or is it numbing and distancing? Is it connecting me to others in the truest sense? Or is it simply bonding over a shared drug of choice?
These days, as much as I can, I choose what’s connecting.” —
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“Do or do not, there is no try. —Yoda It’s been helpful to me when I catch myself saying ‘I’ll try to …’
‘I’ll try to’ is an escape hatch. I know I’m not committed when I say those words. So Yoda reminds me if something needs doing then it must be done, irrespective of how I feel about it.” —
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“My mantra that keeps me tethered to sobriety comes from Rumi: ‘The breeze at dawn has secrets to tell you. Don’t go back to sleep.’
When I was a drinker, I essentially sleepwalked through my life, dipping in and out. Numbing when moods were up or down. Every morning now feels intimate. I wish I woke up sooner.” —
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“Laura’s ‘Am I free?’ For sure. Also, a check/reminder for me if the drinking parts ever pop up: ‘is it lifegiving?’ Sure it was an escape, but it was never lifegiving, for me at least.” —
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“I just remind myself there’s nothing for me there—I know whatever it is about the drink that might appear to be enticing is a lie—the devil has been unmasked.” —
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“Mine is more so a question I would ask myself or reflect on, in hard moments when I thought of ‘going back’ or ‘giving up’ I would pause and reflect on what life looked like before, and would ‘going back’ solve anything? How would I feel if I ‘went back’? I would feel worse than I did in that moment. I would always end up realizing I had changed and grown so much I couldn’t go back even if I wanted to. There was nothing to go back to in the best and most beautiful way possible.” —
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“I have to keep doing the next right thing.” —
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“‘Discipline equals freedom.’ —Jocko Willink, retired U.S. Navy SEAL and leadership author.” —
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“Sobriety without transformation is just white-knuckling. You weren’t made to survive, you were made to be free.” —
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“No more devastation ☠️. Isn.t that powerful?! It is based on legendary Allen Carr’s ‘Easy way to control alcohol’ one of my favourite AF tools.” —
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“‘This feeling is temporary.’ Similarly to ‘one day at a time,’ this mantra helps me stay grounded in the present by reminding me that emotions, moods, and cravings come and go. It’s easy to spiral when you’re in the thick of it, but these words always bring me back to the present, to my breath, and to the understanding that being human means riding out the ups and downs of life. It helps me realize that the last thing I want to do is numb the experience.” —
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“It’s definitely one day at a time, but on top of that is ‘peace above me, peace below me, peace all around me.’” —
“Mine is the opening line from Mary Oliver’s Wild Geese:
You do not have to be good.
You do not have to walk on your knees
for a hundred miles through the desert repenting.
You only have to let the soft animal of your body
love what it loves.It reminds me to drop down into the wisdom of my body, away from noisy, sometimes treacherous thoughts, and trust that an unclouded mind will always find its best path. The body knows that the non-drinking life is best, and long before the mind does. The trick was to learn how to listen to it! —
, Control Issues
“Five years in, the mantras I still turn to over and over are: 1) ‘be where my feet are’ this is probably the most grounding one as it helps me stay in the present moment, as opposed to future tripping into anxiety or past tripping into guilt or regret
2) ‘Stay’ (I wanted to get this one tattooed on my wrist) also keeps me present, but also keeps me from running: running from feeling feelings that are uncomfortable and that would in the past send me running toward a drink or toward an unhealthy connection to a man
3) ‘let it be’ helps me remember that very little is mine to fix or control; that I am only in charge of me
4) ‘GOD’ or ‘Grace Over Drama’ has saved me from acting out due to anger or resentment over another’s words or actions
5) ‘It’s not about me’ It really isn’t, right? This mantra helps me remember to not take someone else’s words or actions personally, even and especially when it feels like it IS about me.” —
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“I’ve been trudging this road of happy destiny for 39 years, nine months, and a couple of weeks or so. Now, having gotten this part of the road, I get why I always thought the long-timers were weird and goofy. It’s real simple: it’s because we are weird and goofy.
Another reason is that until one has been here it’s hard to know how to perceive it. What I can definitely report in the realm of reassurance for those who haven’t quite logged as many 24 hour periods as I is that it’s worth it, it gets better, and the program always works if I make an earnest attempt to practice what I’ve learned here.
Now, for the mantra that I use for myself, and for me, it works in the gloomiest and also the most joyous of times: ‘No matter what this present moment looks like, God is still everything!’” —
“Three standbys for me: 1) ‘The end of all things is at hand; therefore be self-controlled and sober-minded for the sake of your prayers.’ —1 Peter 4:7
This whole passage (1 Peter 4:1-11) reminds me that I left that debauched, intoxicated life behind for a reason. I have gifts, talents, and sacred obligations to people I’m called to serve and be in relationship with, that I can’t abandon for the cheap, temporary thrill of a buzz. Loving & serving others is way more fulfilling.
2) ‘Be sober-minded, be watchful. Your adversary the devil prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour.’ Also from 1 Peter (5:8), a reminder that spiritual darkness is real, and sobriety is armor against that darkness.
3) ‘How is crappy sleep & having a headache going to help me deal with [stressful situation]?!’ —Me” —
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“When I look at life through the bottle it’s hazy with no clarity. When the bottle is gone I see the light and the beauty around me.” —
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“Turn to the light. ☀️🌻” —
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“1. ‘It’s none of your business what others think of you. And honestly? It’s not even your business what you think of you.’ I used to perform for approval like it was my job. Codependent, people-pleasing, always chasing the nod. I’d shape-shift to fit the crowd, dying to be liked and dying a little inside when I wasn’t.
Letting go of that was the start of becoming who I actually am. When I stopped living for applause, the imposter syndrome left the building. Now I just try to show up real. Not perfect. Not polished. Just real.
2. The 3 C’s of Al-Anon: ‘You didn’t cause it. You can’t control it. You can’t cure it.’ These aren’t just words. They’re a lifeline. They taught me that love doesn’t mean fixing someone. That boundaries aren’t betrayal. That peace comes from releasing what was never mine to hold in the first place. Recovery gave me back my center. It taught me to stop carrying what’s not mine and to show up fully for what is.
For me, that’s the sweet spot where the grace lives.” —
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What’s a tagline, slogan, or mantra that guides your sobriety journey? Please share in the comments!
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Thanks for sharing, everyone! ❤️
When people ask, "How are you doing?" I answer, "Better than I deserve." (Credit Dave Ramsey) It's not that I don't deserve a good life; it is a frank reminder that if I got what I truly deserved, I wouldn't even be here. I was saved by grace alone.