Deck the Halls Without Alcohol

Strategies and tips for holiday success

By Whitney Combs

It was Christmas Eve 2016, and I was hammered. We’d been to a neighborhood progressive dinner and I had gotten progressively more drunk at each house we went to. We got home and put the kids to bed and I grabbed another drink for the task ahead: putting together Santa’s gifts to the kids. The rest of the evening is black.

I’m sure I kept drinking and I apparently helped my husband put together a tricycle for my youngest, insisting that I could do it “by feel” instead of following instructions. Not surprisingly, it never really worked quite right, giving me a near constant reminder of my inability to move through that night, or any other night, without a cocktail in my hand.

The next morning was marked by a queasy stomach, a pounding head, and deep regret for going overboard… again. Nothing terrible happened that night, but I was acutely aware that drinking had been my priority to the exclusion of being present with my family. The shame and self-loathing were familiar companions by then, but seemed particularly present on Christmas morning that year. I’d spent so many months trying to control my drinking and this felt like more evidence for what a piece of shit I was for not being able to stop.

So, instead of feeling that shame, I filled my coffee cup with Bailey’s Irish Cream. I didn’t add it to my coffee. I simply filled the cup. It wasn’t the first time I drank in the morning. There had been mimosas and bloody marys on Christmas morning in the past, but this was the first time I drank in the morning alone and hid it from everyone.

I remember that it scared me how easy it was to excuse what I was doing as normal because it was a holiday and you’re “supposed” to drink on holidays, right? But this wasn’t a celebratory sipping drink. This was a drink meant to drown out the noise in my head about what a slippery slope I was falling down.

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That Christmas wasn’t my last day of drinking; that would come about a week later. But it was one more wake-up call that signaled just how much control alcohol had over me.

By the time the next Christmas rolled around, I’d been sober for a while. But that didn’t make holiday gatherings any less intimidating. I was haunted by the memory of the previous Christmas, and I was terrified of moving through the holiday season without drinking. Scared of spending time with my friends who were celebrating with booze. Scared of spending hours with family without a drink in my hand. And scared of navigating the parties without my liquid courage.

That year, I fumbled through the season and, miraculously, didn’t drink. But I knew I couldn’t keep winging it because, despite feeling solid in my sobriety in general, there were too many times when I wanted to just say, “Fuck it” and have a drink.

It became apparent that I had some work to do if I wanted this thing to stick (and I really wanted this thing to stick). So, I set out to discover strategies for navigating these tricky celebrations without drinking.

Whether it’s getting ready for my brother-in-law’s family to descend with my adorable (but quite destructive) nephew, trying to find the perfect gift for the 276 people on my gift list, or attending 22 parties where champagne is the guest of honor, I know there will be things during the holidays that make me want to reach for the cocktails. The good news is that I’ve found a few hacks for getting through the holidays sober. The difficult news is that it takes some commitment and preparation.

Interestingly, most of that work happens well before I find myself triggered, stressed, or in craving. In order to navigate those sticky moments, I have to fortify myself ahead of time. Here are a few strategies that I use to set myself up for success. I hope some of these will resonate with you.

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Identify Triggers

Awareness is at the heart of all change. If you aren’t aware of something, you can’t change it. The first step for me is to really pay attention to the things that make me feel itchy to drink.

Exhaustion, hunger, overwhelm, and stress are some of the big ones for me. I acknowledge those things as triggers and take note of how I experience them (i.e., I identify the thoughts, feelings, and bodily sensations that come with the trigger).

Instead of pushing them aside or pretending they’re not there, I stay present with them. I don’t ignore things until I’m past the point of no return. I work to embrace the irritation and the frustration. I welcome the uncomfortable feelings instead of shoving them down, and I allow myself to experience them fully. This awareness gives me the power to make conscious choices in the moment, rather than reacting out of habit or impulse. By acknowledging and experiencing these feelings, I can decide how to respond with intention, creating space for healthier coping mechanisms and making it easier to resist the urge to pour that glass of chardonnay.

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Respond Mindfully to the Triggers

Once you’re aware of the things that make you want to drink, you can work with those things.

If the prospect of dinner with my MIL makes me feel squirrely, I politely decline for the family or send my husband and kids without me. If putting up the holiday decorations makes me want to shred that Elf on the Shelf into a thousand tiny pieces, I turn on my favorite holiday music, grab some hot chocolate, and make a conscious decision about whether I have the capacity to dive in and enjoy the process or if it’s better to step back and give myself a break. If I find myself in the middle of a holiday party staring longingly at the eggnog, I excuse myself to go outside and take a few deep breaths.

I keep a list of tools that I can use when I want to drink in my purse. When the urge strikes, I pull out my list and decide what I have the capacity to engage with. Whether it’s sipping a mocktail, texting my sober bestie, or pulling out my journal to jot down what’s going on in my head, I know that I have options to work through the discomfort. The key is having my tools accessible so that I don’t have to overthink how to move through the craving and I don’t get caught off guard.

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Create Self-Care Rituals

So much of our ability to respond instead of react is tied directly to our energy. It is vital for me, especially during the holidays, to take care of myself and continuously refill the tank.

I try not to make it too complicated. I start my day with a few minutes of reflection or inspirational reading. I find little pockets of time when I can take a few conscious breaths. I hydrate and move my body. The more consistent I am with my self-care, the more likely I am to have enough energy to resist Christmas cocktails.

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Seek Support

Finally, don’t forget to ask for help. I keep my therapy appointments even when the days are busy because I know that taking care of my mental health during this time is essential. I lean on my husband to do some extra running around if I need to rest or just need a break from the chaos. I ask my mom to help with the stockings when I’ve reached my limit at the malls. Sometimes, it’s as simple as asking a friend to talk me through a tough moment or sharing my struggles in a meeting.

Holidays are incredibly stressful, and they can bring up old habits or triggers, but I know that I don’t have to do them alone. Having a support system in place allows me to stay connected, grounded, and focused on staying sober.

Nearly eight years later, I can look back on that Christmas Eve with compassion for myself. Holidays don’t scare me anymore. I know how to prepare and, after a few years of practice, I feel confident in my ability to move through them sober.

If you’re feeling overwhelmed by this holiday season, know that you’re not alone. It’s okay to take things one moment at a time and adjust as you go. Every step you take to prepare, protect your energy, and lean on your support system is a step toward a holiday season you can feel good about. Trust yourself—you’re stronger and more capable than you realize. You’ve got this—one breath, one decision at a time.

Now you.

We’d love for you to share in the comments:

• What’s one thing you do to stay grounded during the holiday season?

• How do you remind yourself to stay present when triggers arise?

And if you found this article helpful, please tap the little heart. It lets others know there’s something useful here and will help us grow this community.

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Whitney Combs is a nationally board-certified health and wellness coach with nearly a decade of experience guiding women to reclaim control over their relationship with alcohol. Through her personalized one-on-one coaching, Whitney empowers women to create a lasting, sustainable recovery with a clear, structured approach. You can find Whitney on Instagram (@whitney.combs) and you can read more about her approach to recovery and schedule a discovery call on her website, www.whitneycombs.com.

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