Such an honest, beautiful share, Kimberly. I love your distinction between trying to fit in and finding your place of belonging. Although some friendships have fallen away since I got sober, the ones I have now feel deeper and more meaningful.
The day I left rehab I was warned that my family and friends would be indifferent about my return. What I discovered is that my family (my husband and daughters who I drank with) supported my sobriety but wanted no parts of it for themselves.
And my “friends” leaned in because it wasn’t just drunk Karen they had fun with but sober Karen who they love. There were others I loosely held and they naturally faded away.
Recovery is a journey in many ways. Beautiful relationships are the reward for taking the journey. Thanks for your continued sharing.
I found that the ones that leaned in and supported me are the ones that have seen suffering first hand, up close. They have endured real pain and fought their way through it before. Those are the people that stood by me and held my hand. Those are the friends that haven’t left my side, still today. There are very, very few of them but they are the kindest and bestest people I know.
One of my biggest concerns was about my friends finding me funny in sobriety. Looking back from this place on the map, it makes me smile. I get why I felt that way. It didn't matter in the long run.
That said, putting down the bottle meant I had to actually learn how to socialize without a crutch. That took some time.
And I didn’t think I could have fun without alcohol! Now I’m like, how was THAT considered fun before?! And I’m so much more confident now in my ability to go out and be myself. It’s amazing how the things we feared turn out to be the total opposite. 🩷
This is very relatable Kimberly. Worrying about losing my friends (who sobriety revealed to just be drinking buddies) kept me sick and hiding for a decade out of fear of what they would think before I finally quit for good. I've been sober 6 years and it is hard and sometimes lonely, but I finally love my own company again! That has been the biggest reward. I am slowing meeting people who I connect with on a deeper and more authentic level. I have used everything available to me: AA, Dharma Recovery, quit lit (especially love Holly Whittaker's "Quit Like a Woman" - it is not just you you got tricked into thinking alcohol = joy and belonging. That is how the corporations market it to society - it's a sick delusion, and those who get addicted to an addictive substance (duh!) pay the price of this HUGE lie). Getting sober has been the biggest gift of my life as I'm no longer living the lie that we have been sold for too long. Thank you for sharing your vulnerability around this, and kudos to you for doing the work and sharing your story!
Thank you, Jennifer! And this desire to fit in and fear of what people think of us - it starts at such a young age. I see it in my children now. It's instinctual. We are simply clan people. So I try to talk to all three of my kids about it regularly and how to manage their feelings around it. It's not easy though.
Such an honest, beautiful share, Kimberly. I love your distinction between trying to fit in and finding your place of belonging. Although some friendships have fallen away since I got sober, the ones I have now feel deeper and more meaningful.
Thank you, Dana! Absolutely. And the friendships I have now in recovery are built on trust, compassion and mutual respect.
The day I left rehab I was warned that my family and friends would be indifferent about my return. What I discovered is that my family (my husband and daughters who I drank with) supported my sobriety but wanted no parts of it for themselves.
And my “friends” leaned in because it wasn’t just drunk Karen they had fun with but sober Karen who they love. There were others I loosely held and they naturally faded away.
Recovery is a journey in many ways. Beautiful relationships are the reward for taking the journey. Thanks for your continued sharing.
I found that the ones that leaned in and supported me are the ones that have seen suffering first hand, up close. They have endured real pain and fought their way through it before. Those are the people that stood by me and held my hand. Those are the friends that haven’t left my side, still today. There are very, very few of them but they are the kindest and bestest people I know.
One of my biggest concerns was about my friends finding me funny in sobriety. Looking back from this place on the map, it makes me smile. I get why I felt that way. It didn't matter in the long run.
That said, putting down the bottle meant I had to actually learn how to socialize without a crutch. That took some time.
And I didn’t think I could have fun without alcohol! Now I’m like, how was THAT considered fun before?! And I’m so much more confident now in my ability to go out and be myself. It’s amazing how the things we feared turn out to be the total opposite. 🩷
This is very relatable Kimberly. Worrying about losing my friends (who sobriety revealed to just be drinking buddies) kept me sick and hiding for a decade out of fear of what they would think before I finally quit for good. I've been sober 6 years and it is hard and sometimes lonely, but I finally love my own company again! That has been the biggest reward. I am slowing meeting people who I connect with on a deeper and more authentic level. I have used everything available to me: AA, Dharma Recovery, quit lit (especially love Holly Whittaker's "Quit Like a Woman" - it is not just you you got tricked into thinking alcohol = joy and belonging. That is how the corporations market it to society - it's a sick delusion, and those who get addicted to an addictive substance (duh!) pay the price of this HUGE lie). Getting sober has been the biggest gift of my life as I'm no longer living the lie that we have been sold for too long. Thank you for sharing your vulnerability around this, and kudos to you for doing the work and sharing your story!
Thank you, Jennifer! And this desire to fit in and fear of what people think of us - it starts at such a young age. I see it in my children now. It's instinctual. We are simply clan people. So I try to talk to all three of my kids about it regularly and how to manage their feelings around it. It's not easy though.
I can relate a lot to this. Thank you for sharing, Kimberly.
Thanks for reading, Becky!
Many, many truths in here. Some universal, some specific to you, but beautiful nonetheless.
Thank you, Christopher. Universal truths indeed.
Loved your story very upfront and honest, I can relate to all you have said here and my journey was something very similar. Ty for sharing
Thanks for your support, Liz!