One of the things I love most about this space is that we make room for the highs and lows, the blessings and struggles, of getting and staying alcohol free.
And while we absolutely celebrate the gifts and delightful surprises of sobriety here, we don’t shy away from the hard parts. Talking about challenges can feel like an exhale, or even soften the struggle. It also helps others recognize themselves in what’s being shared.
With that in mind, and recognizing that everyone’s experience is different and sobriety doesn’t look the same for everyone, I wanted to ask our sober community:
What’s been the biggest challenge on your alcohol-free journey?
We ask this in the My Sobriety Story series, so I’ve pulled together some recent responses below. You can find the full stories here.
We’d love to hear from you, too. Please share in the comments.
If you’d like to contribute to the My Sobriety Story series, we’d be delighted to have you. You can email me here for the questions and guidelines.
“There was one night, early on, when I looked at my husband during dinner, started angry crying, and told him I was fucking done with this. That it was too hard to be alone in my own mind at that hour, with two demanding kids underfoot, without a drink to take the edge off.
In that moment, the alcohol-induced haze felt so much more familiar than sitting with my own feelings. Why was I doing this to myself? Was I seriously expected to white knuckle my way through life from now on?
Ethan gave me space, but also some tough love. He’d been on his own sober journey, so he knew firsthand that the early days are the hardest, and he told me I owed it to myself to get through them before deciding anything. He reminded me that I was one of the most stubborn, disciplined people he knew—and suggested this might finally be a productive use for those qualities.
So I kept going. And he was right. The first thirty days were by far the hardest for me. After that, the benefits started to compound. I committed to a new workout routine, set better boundaries at work, and continued to integrate the lessons from my psychedelic experiences. Eventually, my alcohol-free identity became more solid.” —Rachel Van Dolsen
“The single greatest challenge was navigating the agonizing years between 2017 and 2020 while trapped under the crushing weight of social FOMO and the societal binary lie around addiction. Back in February 2018, I had a horrific night where I spent hours on the bathroom floor, clutching the toilet for dear life and violently throwing up bile without even a 30-second break.
Yet, despite enduring that physical rock bottom, it still took me almost three years to actually get sober, proving that arbitrary rock bottoms aren’t enough on their own to create lasting change. Compounding that physical struggle was the debilitating fear of losing my identity. I was always the ‘hostess with the mostest’—the ringleader who organized the parties, happy hours, and wine tastings.
The thought of being ‘othered’ or ousted from my friend group was unfathomable. At the time, I believed society’s binary lie that you are either a ‘normal drinker’ or an ‘alcoholic.’ Discovering the concept of gray area drinking literally saved my life. Learning that drinking exists on a broad spectrum stripped the shame out of the equation.
It allowed me to drop the self-judgment, stop feeling helpless, and focus on healing my physiology.” —Kristin Horstman
“Facing emotions and having conversations I had formerly decided I was taking to the grave. I really avoided my emotional world while drinking and had built a lot of friendships and habits out of convenience and dishonesty. I truly did not know I was allowed to be an active participant in my life. Alcoholism stole that from me.
Rebuilding and being honest, understanding that I cannot and should not take the back seat of my own life felt impossible for a couple years, but now it is the best thing ever. I get to chase my damn dreams, I really did not think that was an option for me!” —Hannah Winokur 🐆🐆🐆
“Learning that it’s OK to feel bad. My goal for most of life was to feel good all the time. I chased that permanent feeling of bliss in every drink.
The funny thing about bad feelings (and I’ve since learned any emotion) is that they go away eventually. I also love the acronym for HOPE:
Hang
On
Pain
EndsIf I sit long enough and pick up the phone or a book, meditate, or pray, the transition goes faster. I have a set of tools now that I didn’t have before.” —Greg Downs
“The hardest part for me is moving on from the wreckage my drinking caused. Another let-down, another broken promise, another ‘episode.’ I try not to carry the shame of what I did, but the reminders of what life was like back then still creep in.
I’ve realized I can’t ignore the past or pretend it didn’t happen, but I also won’t let it define my character. Those things are not who I am at my core. At the same time, I did those things. I own them; I don’t deny them. They’re part of my story—but they won’t be the headline. The real story is being rewritten every day.
I’m constantly working to rebuild trust with my family and loved ones. It’s a slow process and there’s only so much I can control. I can’t make someone trust me again. All I can do is be honest—with them and with myself—and focus on doing ‘the next right thing.’ I’ll never erase the past, but I will learn from it, and I will prove that I’m the man I’m intended to be.” —Through Sober Eyes
What’s been the biggest challenge on your alcohol-free journey?
Please share in the comments. And before you go, would you take a second to tap that little heart? It lets others know there’s something helpful here and grows our sober community.
We know that sharing about recovery and sobriety can feel vulnerable. Like in recovery groups, we ask that commenters in this space refrain from giving unsolicited advice or spreading hate and division. Thank you for helping us foster a kind and inclusive community.
Dr. Dana Leigh Lyons, DTCM is a Doctor of Traditional Chinese Medicine offering heart-sourced guidance on body-mind-spirit wellness. She manages Sober App Substack and writes PERFECT HUNGER, a newsletter devoted to living a more beautiful, nourishing life.
As others have said, probably the first months are the most challenging. You're grieving your past self of, for me, of like 44 years! You feel good at first, then flat. Just plain flat and confused. But hanging in there, it passes! Poof and you become the you were meant to be. Alcohol was a way of life, but so freeing now that it's not.
Gaining the trust of family and friends and knowing when if possible to make amends 🙏