Brilliant, Dana, especially your insight about relationships. I could write forever about these issues (but nobody wants that!), so I’ll focus on two of the most significant in my experience: 1) I’ve learned to let go of the need to control or fix the things that are not mine to do so; and 2) by being present in my own life, I have a core understanding of my own strengths and weaknesses such that I am less or not-at-all affected/ distracted by things not on my side of the street so, in turn, I can embrace what is good for me.
Thanks so much, Steve. I love hearing about your experience. Truthfully, I’m still working on letting go of what’s not mine to fix, but sobriety has been a tremendous support in this!
The benefits of sobriety are numerous and deeply meaningful—thank you for putting your wins on paper. It’s inspiring.
I’m on day 101 for alcohol and day 470 for porn. One of the biggest benefits, especially in my porn recovery, has been experiencing a completely porn-free relationship with my girlfriend.
It’s the first relationship I’ve ever had in my life without porn in the picture, and the difference between the two worlds is night and day. The levels of trust, intimacy, friendship, and love are beyond what I ever imagined back when porn was still a shadow over my horizon.
I think the same holds true for alcohol. Being free of it has brought a level of clarity and awareness of choice that is invaluable to me. I know that at any moment, I can be someone who is fully present and reliable—able to heed the call if needed, without feeling compromised or out of the game.
Sobriety is a hard-earned gift we give ourselves, and it’s worth every bit of its weight.
Thank you for your kind words and for sharing that, Mac. Congratulations and huge recognition - what beautiful changes, and what a testament to what’s possible on this side of sobriety. There is truly such freedom, presence, and steadiness here. And that affects not just us, but everyone in our lives.
Absolutely beautiful Dana! I've read so many inspirational accounts on peoples experiences with sobriety. This one spoke directly to me and you expressed it so eloquently. The soundful sleep really hit home! I've never slept so peaceful like this before. I melt in the bed and I always wake up rejuvenated and start my day with meditation, yoga, and then some form of exercise all before starting work. Never a chore or a to do list that needs to be checked off. It's not a regimen for me, it's just what my mind and body are drawn to do as I first awake. Work, life, everyday occurrences are no longer a stress factor. Nothing bothers me, nothing is worth it. Life is just too short and we're just passing through in these vehicles we call our bodies. TODAY is 19 months of sobriety for me. I got sober 08/19/2023. The fringe benefits of my changes that I was never aware were possible, is how easily healthy I'm becoming with these mindful and physical exercises as well as the joy I get from everyday simple things. Birds, trees, creeks, all of nature! Also the vibrant food I enjoy that I never have noticed before. Thank you for your wonderful writing.
Thank you, Ernie, both for your kind words and for sharing such a beautiful glimpse into your life in sobriety. I love how what you describe is full of what supports you and leaves you feeling joyful and peaceful. I felt myself exhaling just reading it. Cheering you on and grateful for your presence here. Let me know if you ever want to contribute to the "My Sobriety Story" series!
You’re absolutely right about the relationships. The birthing a new ‘we’. I think alcohol use limits awareness, and dare I say, emotional maturity. Once sober, we are able to mature, but we also *have to* mature to cope with life. This brings maturity into every equation, every interaction. How can it not if this is who you are now? This rubs off. It inspires. It gets shared around. I’ve noticed other people becoming more mature, at least with me, because I think it is attracted out of them, and because my perception of them has changed too. I think maturity positively feedbacks and prophesises. I.e. if I treat someone as a mature individual, they might act like one, at least in our relationship. Maybe they’ll pass that on in their other relationships too, rippling outwards. That’s my theory anyway.
Amazing piece, Dana. Very thoughtful and thought provoking. Thank you.
Hey Dana, just wanted to say thank you for sharing this.
I’ve been sober 30 years, and reading your words reminded me of how real and gritty this journey is, not just the quitting, but the growing. The quiet changes no one sees. The way you start showing up for yourself when no one else knows the storm you’re weathering.
I get what you said about emotional sobriety, that’s the deep work. Staying sober is one thing. Learning how to live with yourself and still have compassion? That’s another level.
You’re walking the walk. Keep going. You’re not alone.
Thanks so much, Jeremy. And huge recognition for your 30 years. I love how you put that: "the quiet changes no one sees." All said and done, I think those are often the changes with the biggest, most expansive impact... both on ourselves and others, in ways known and unknown.
Really beautiful writing. It’s not talked about enough how relationships change in long term sobriety. 8 years sober, things are still shifting for me. I wrote this, about friendship loss and recovery helping me to remember myself after the loss. Hope it’s okay that I’m sharing here. Loved your writing.
Thanks so much, Tracey - both for your kind words and for sharing. I loved your essays on cannabis addiction and am looking forward to reading more of your beautiful, powerful work.
This is so good, Dana. Thanks for sharing. I relate a lot! I’ll celebrate “turning 6” next month and I find that it’s this beautiful journey where there are just endless layers to discover. On relationships, I definitely always felt less than, because I knew I was keeping my true self hidden. Now I’m able to be present, just as I am without worrying I’ll be found out or God forbid, vulnerable. I also cherish those relationships where others let me be in a dark space and loved me through it and are still there on the other side of the dark, cheering me on. Those are the real angels. ❤️ As for nightly rituals and the peace they bring, they are simply joyous. Enjoy the exquisite ride and Happy 5 years!! 🌅
Beautifully written, Dana. So much value here for those near to sobriety or curious. Many references I can relate to (sober since 2009). Congratulations on your sober life and how you've shared a slice of it with your readers.
The Devil will drop you off but won't pick you up!
God can handle the remaining anxiety and depression and give you the Happiness, Joy and Passion for Life back to you again that alcohol took out of your life.
5 years is so awesome Dana! I agree w/all the things you outline that changed for you in sobriety. I still struggle more w/anxiety & depression than I’d like but it’s also presumably related to environment to an extent (living in batshit crazy, chaotic, LA, owning a stressful retail biz, lack of a life partner, oh yea and those fires recently yada yada). No question though that the depression and anxiety while drinking were next level. In my peak drinking phase, I’d wake up w/rebound anxiety literally having w/drawals from booze until I could get to the bar to start the numbing out process all over again (and of course after a few stiff drinks the depression would frequently kick in). It was a brutal cycle especially the last few years when I was so dependent on a certain amount of booze just to get through the work day. I’ll be 6 years in Sept (this time) and have stayed sober when I had a lot of “excuses” to drink especially the last 5 of them (Covid isolation & stress alone tipped so many people over). I’m proud of where I’m at even if I have plenty of work to do on the emotional sobriety front and managing some personality “defects” that rear their ugly head at times even in sobriety (ego, judging others, cynicism, self-centeredness, etc).
Thanks so much, Chris. And oof - the cycle of anxiety and depression while drinking and after was the worst. Huge recognition for your ~6 years and for staying the course, even through the wild ride of the last five years and the present. I feel so grateful that I stopped at the start of the covid lockdown. I think I subconsciously knew it was essential to stop at that exact time - otherwise, I might’ve started drinking a lot more than I had been. Grateful to know you on this path!
I enjoyed this post Dana. I stopped drinking 18 months ago. For me, alcohol started as a way to manage social anxiety and I became addicted over time and moved further away from my true self. Rediscovering and embracing my authentic self has been the greatest gift I’ve given myself. I’m comfortable in my skin living a quiet life filled with reading, music, family and as you mentioned…sleep, real deep sleep that refreshes. I am now slowly weaning off anti-anxiety medication, we’ll see how that goes. I am clear-headed and clear-eyed. I think less and less about alcohol, and have no desire for it, that part of my life is now in my past.
Brilliant, Dana, especially your insight about relationships. I could write forever about these issues (but nobody wants that!), so I’ll focus on two of the most significant in my experience: 1) I’ve learned to let go of the need to control or fix the things that are not mine to do so; and 2) by being present in my own life, I have a core understanding of my own strengths and weaknesses such that I am less or not-at-all affected/ distracted by things not on my side of the street so, in turn, I can embrace what is good for me.
Please keep up with your outstanding writing!
Thanks so much, Steve. I love hearing about your experience. Truthfully, I’m still working on letting go of what’s not mine to fix, but sobriety has been a tremendous support in this!
Happy for you, Dana, and congrats on five years!
The benefits of sobriety are numerous and deeply meaningful—thank you for putting your wins on paper. It’s inspiring.
I’m on day 101 for alcohol and day 470 for porn. One of the biggest benefits, especially in my porn recovery, has been experiencing a completely porn-free relationship with my girlfriend.
It’s the first relationship I’ve ever had in my life without porn in the picture, and the difference between the two worlds is night and day. The levels of trust, intimacy, friendship, and love are beyond what I ever imagined back when porn was still a shadow over my horizon.
I think the same holds true for alcohol. Being free of it has brought a level of clarity and awareness of choice that is invaluable to me. I know that at any moment, I can be someone who is fully present and reliable—able to heed the call if needed, without feeling compromised or out of the game.
Sobriety is a hard-earned gift we give ourselves, and it’s worth every bit of its weight.
Thank you for your kind words and for sharing that, Mac. Congratulations and huge recognition - what beautiful changes, and what a testament to what’s possible on this side of sobriety. There is truly such freedom, presence, and steadiness here. And that affects not just us, but everyone in our lives.
It’s such a freeing and powerful feeling to step into the role of a healer and builder instead of a sapper and a breaker!
Congratulations, Dana.
I just celebrated three years. All of what you write about has shown up for me, too.
Thank you, Taishin Michael. Heart-sourced recognition and celebration of your three years!
Absolutely beautiful Dana! I've read so many inspirational accounts on peoples experiences with sobriety. This one spoke directly to me and you expressed it so eloquently. The soundful sleep really hit home! I've never slept so peaceful like this before. I melt in the bed and I always wake up rejuvenated and start my day with meditation, yoga, and then some form of exercise all before starting work. Never a chore or a to do list that needs to be checked off. It's not a regimen for me, it's just what my mind and body are drawn to do as I first awake. Work, life, everyday occurrences are no longer a stress factor. Nothing bothers me, nothing is worth it. Life is just too short and we're just passing through in these vehicles we call our bodies. TODAY is 19 months of sobriety for me. I got sober 08/19/2023. The fringe benefits of my changes that I was never aware were possible, is how easily healthy I'm becoming with these mindful and physical exercises as well as the joy I get from everyday simple things. Birds, trees, creeks, all of nature! Also the vibrant food I enjoy that I never have noticed before. Thank you for your wonderful writing.
Thank you, Ernie, both for your kind words and for sharing such a beautiful glimpse into your life in sobriety. I love how what you describe is full of what supports you and leaves you feeling joyful and peaceful. I felt myself exhaling just reading it. Cheering you on and grateful for your presence here. Let me know if you ever want to contribute to the "My Sobriety Story" series!
I just might take you up on writing a story someday. Please feel free to email me directly anytime at eleyva25@icloud.com
Thanks!
You’re absolutely right about the relationships. The birthing a new ‘we’. I think alcohol use limits awareness, and dare I say, emotional maturity. Once sober, we are able to mature, but we also *have to* mature to cope with life. This brings maturity into every equation, every interaction. How can it not if this is who you are now? This rubs off. It inspires. It gets shared around. I’ve noticed other people becoming more mature, at least with me, because I think it is attracted out of them, and because my perception of them has changed too. I think maturity positively feedbacks and prophesises. I.e. if I treat someone as a mature individual, they might act like one, at least in our relationship. Maybe they’ll pass that on in their other relationships too, rippling outwards. That’s my theory anyway.
Amazing piece, Dana. Very thoughtful and thought provoking. Thank you.
Thank you, Adam. And yes - that makes so much sense as far as emotional maturity and how the ways we show up ripple outwards.
Brilliant post Dana! Thank you!
Early to bed, reading, cats all around — that’s my heaven.
Chiang Mai is wonderful. Such a cool city.
Right now we’re at the other end of Thailand — on the west coast — a few hours north of Phuket.
We’d love to do what you are doing.
Thank you, Brodee! Smiles from one corner of Thailand to another.
Hey Dana, just wanted to say thank you for sharing this.
I’ve been sober 30 years, and reading your words reminded me of how real and gritty this journey is, not just the quitting, but the growing. The quiet changes no one sees. The way you start showing up for yourself when no one else knows the storm you’re weathering.
I get what you said about emotional sobriety, that’s the deep work. Staying sober is one thing. Learning how to live with yourself and still have compassion? That’s another level.
You’re walking the walk. Keep going. You’re not alone.
Respect,
Jeremy
Thanks so much, Jeremy. And huge recognition for your 30 years. I love how you put that: "the quiet changes no one sees." All said and done, I think those are often the changes with the biggest, most expansive impact... both on ourselves and others, in ways known and unknown.
Love your shares
Thank you, Renee. Hearts to you!
Really beautiful writing. It’s not talked about enough how relationships change in long term sobriety. 8 years sober, things are still shifting for me. I wrote this, about friendship loss and recovery helping me to remember myself after the loss. Hope it’s okay that I’m sharing here. Loved your writing.
https://open.substack.com/pub/trasea/p/thoughts-on-being-ghosted-by-an-old?r=2ogm9u&utm_medium=ios
Thanks so much, Tracey - both for your kind words and for sharing. I loved your essays on cannabis addiction and am looking forward to reading more of your beautiful, powerful work.
This is so good, Dana. Thanks for sharing. I relate a lot! I’ll celebrate “turning 6” next month and I find that it’s this beautiful journey where there are just endless layers to discover. On relationships, I definitely always felt less than, because I knew I was keeping my true self hidden. Now I’m able to be present, just as I am without worrying I’ll be found out or God forbid, vulnerable. I also cherish those relationships where others let me be in a dark space and loved me through it and are still there on the other side of the dark, cheering me on. Those are the real angels. ❤️ As for nightly rituals and the peace they bring, they are simply joyous. Enjoy the exquisite ride and Happy 5 years!! 🌅
Thank you for your kind words and for such a beautiful share. Blessings for your 6th and beyond!
Congratulations on five years, Dana!
Thanks, Josh!
Beautifully written, Dana. So much value here for those near to sobriety or curious. Many references I can relate to (sober since 2009). Congratulations on your sober life and how you've shared a slice of it with your readers.
Thanks so much, Mike. And congrats on your sobriety!
Congrats on 5 years!
I'll be 3 years in April.
The Devil will drop you off but won't pick you up!
God can handle the remaining anxiety and depression and give you the Happiness, Joy and Passion for Life back to you again that alcohol took out of your life.
God Bless.
Thanks, Andrew, and congrats on 3 years!
5 years is so awesome Dana! I agree w/all the things you outline that changed for you in sobriety. I still struggle more w/anxiety & depression than I’d like but it’s also presumably related to environment to an extent (living in batshit crazy, chaotic, LA, owning a stressful retail biz, lack of a life partner, oh yea and those fires recently yada yada). No question though that the depression and anxiety while drinking were next level. In my peak drinking phase, I’d wake up w/rebound anxiety literally having w/drawals from booze until I could get to the bar to start the numbing out process all over again (and of course after a few stiff drinks the depression would frequently kick in). It was a brutal cycle especially the last few years when I was so dependent on a certain amount of booze just to get through the work day. I’ll be 6 years in Sept (this time) and have stayed sober when I had a lot of “excuses” to drink especially the last 5 of them (Covid isolation & stress alone tipped so many people over). I’m proud of where I’m at even if I have plenty of work to do on the emotional sobriety front and managing some personality “defects” that rear their ugly head at times even in sobriety (ego, judging others, cynicism, self-centeredness, etc).
Thanks so much, Chris. And oof - the cycle of anxiety and depression while drinking and after was the worst. Huge recognition for your ~6 years and for staying the course, even through the wild ride of the last five years and the present. I feel so grateful that I stopped at the start of the covid lockdown. I think I subconsciously knew it was essential to stop at that exact time - otherwise, I might’ve started drinking a lot more than I had been. Grateful to know you on this path!
I enjoyed this post Dana. I stopped drinking 18 months ago. For me, alcohol started as a way to manage social anxiety and I became addicted over time and moved further away from my true self. Rediscovering and embracing my authentic self has been the greatest gift I’ve given myself. I’m comfortable in my skin living a quiet life filled with reading, music, family and as you mentioned…sleep, real deep sleep that refreshes. I am now slowly weaning off anti-anxiety medication, we’ll see how that goes. I am clear-headed and clear-eyed. I think less and less about alcohol, and have no desire for it, that part of my life is now in my past.
Peace,
Barry
Beautiful and congrats, Barry. Thank you for being here and sharing.
Thank you Dana. I have 37 years sober in April. The overall joy is a blessing. Thanks for all you do to help others.
Thanks for being here, and huge congrats on 37 years, Paul!