Such a beautiful, powerful practice, Ellie - and you describe it in such a clear, accessible way. I’m looking forward to trying it out with my inner voice, next time fear-based stories come calling.
I love this! Thank you for sharing— is focusing similar to/related to IFS therapy?
I love the idea of finding the part in or around the body - I am working to find my parts that want to drink/eat too much/ do bc something extreme and asking, what do you need?
It is a bit like IFS, yes Kristen. I haven't actually had that kind of therapy but I know it works with 'parts' so yes, very similar. Possibly a key difference is that Focusing means connecting with whatever is here and alive in the moment - so the parts aren't static or the same each time (there isn't 'the inner child' or 'the protector part'). They may be a protector part or a childlike part in the moment, but it comes with the understanding that, if allowed to, it will shift and change into something else, a different form or expression.... That is my understanding anyway!
And yes - asking these parts what they need: that's such a compassionate thing to do, and is a way to find so much wisdom and clarity.
Something in me feels.....I love this and did find myself doing this the other day, acknowledging the part this way really does help as then it becomes seperate from yourself not " yourself " it's like a visitor...Ty
This is beautiful Ellie! Mindfulness practice and referring to myself in the third person early on in sobriety (e.g. Maria is trying really hard) helped me understand the critical part of me and give some space to other parts.
Ah that’s wonderful Maria, that is a great practice. I often talk to myself in the 3rd person when bringing myself compassion - even saying ‘I love you Ellie’.
“I become aware that there is a “me” that exists outside of the emotion. That the emotion is only a part of me; not the whole of me.” So powerful Ellie. Pauses are so important. Thank you. 🙏🏻
This is meta-level reframing. It’s powerful, yet it’s not a way to dominate or control your thoughts- it’s more accepting and welcoming. I love this idea. And the article itself too: it’s well written and a perfect Goldilocks length. Awesome read, Ellie. Genuinely impactful.
This reframe is so powerful, Ellie. "Something in me" shifts the overwhelm - shrinking it down from full body to *somewhere* in the body. So much easier to hold.
Ellie, I’m not sure how much I can even begin to express how much I needed this today, even now as I am replying a small tear is rolling down my cheek. I let you read this to me and tried to close my eyes and just relax in the gentleness of your voice.
I struggle with the ability to just relax, with a combination of adhd anxiety, shame, self worth and overcoming alcohol addiction (sober 3 years this month!) I just struggle with finding something as simple as a quiet peace in myself for even a moment, but I am trying.
Thank you for putting together an outline for me to follow, the insights you gave here will help me practice on my own.
Oh Greg I’m so touched by your words. And so glad you found this helpful. I struggle to relax too - I actually don’t do this practice nearly as often as I could do! Huge congratulations to you and 3 years of sobriety ✨
Dealing with something in me. Allows me to not deny the truth about my feelings which are different than me. I often deny certain feeling just because others have a certain expectation about how I should be feeling. I am very afraid of going to my son's wedding for example. I will be seeing people who have wronged me. I will be driving for 16 hours with a dying dog and an elderly wife. I myself am injured due to an aging knee being unable to adapt to Falling In The Water normally like I have always done. I'll have to deal with an elderly mother. And lastly I honestly feel as if my son is falling into the same trap of marriage that I fell into even though I love my wife and am largely happy to have been married now for close to 40 years. I've been sober for 37 years and it is still a day at a time and I appreciate your article. I am not going to let others expectations about how I am feeling make me feel guilty over how I am feeling. I am however not going to allow those feelings to interfere with my life. I see that many of those feelings are black and white thinking and very extreme. I realize that many of them are born from selfishness not true compassion. I can see that I actually have other feelings that at this moment are being stifled by my bad feelings. I have good feelings of love joy and gratitude, perspective and flexibility which will keep me sober and allow me to ultimately get the best out of this experience. Love and light.
Paul, thank you for sharing. You are going through a lot, and of course you have many different thoughts and feelings about it all. I too often fall into the trap of black and white thinking! It's so good to notice when we're doing this. I hope you can honour what you consider to be 'selfish' feelings. That sounds very human to feel that way. And it is also so great to hear that you are also aware that there are other feelings too: love, joy and gratitude. What a messy, beautiful, difficult, confusing and wondrous thing it is to be human. And a HUGE congratulations on 37 years of sobriety - how incredible Paul!
Such a beautiful, powerful practice, Ellie - and you describe it in such a clear, accessible way. I’m looking forward to trying it out with my inner voice, next time fear-based stories come calling.
Thank you Dana. It's a practice that has really changed things for me. I hope you find it helpful too x
I love this! Thank you for sharing— is focusing similar to/related to IFS therapy?
I love the idea of finding the part in or around the body - I am working to find my parts that want to drink/eat too much/ do bc something extreme and asking, what do you need?
Great pierce, thank you again!
It is a bit like IFS, yes Kristen. I haven't actually had that kind of therapy but I know it works with 'parts' so yes, very similar. Possibly a key difference is that Focusing means connecting with whatever is here and alive in the moment - so the parts aren't static or the same each time (there isn't 'the inner child' or 'the protector part'). They may be a protector part or a childlike part in the moment, but it comes with the understanding that, if allowed to, it will shift and change into something else, a different form or expression.... That is my understanding anyway!
And yes - asking these parts what they need: that's such a compassionate thing to do, and is a way to find so much wisdom and clarity.
Thank you for your kind words Kristen.
Something in me feels.....I love this and did find myself doing this the other day, acknowledging the part this way really does help as then it becomes seperate from yourself not " yourself " it's like a visitor...Ty
Yes - a visitor! That's it Liz. I'm so glad you found this helpful and have already been trying it out.
This is beautiful Ellie! Mindfulness practice and referring to myself in the third person early on in sobriety (e.g. Maria is trying really hard) helped me understand the critical part of me and give some space to other parts.
Ah that’s wonderful Maria, that is a great practice. I often talk to myself in the 3rd person when bringing myself compassion - even saying ‘I love you Ellie’.
“I become aware that there is a “me” that exists outside of the emotion. That the emotion is only a part of me; not the whole of me.” So powerful Ellie. Pauses are so important. Thank you. 🙏🏻
Thank you Josh! Glad it resonated
This is meta-level reframing. It’s powerful, yet it’s not a way to dominate or control your thoughts- it’s more accepting and welcoming. I love this idea. And the article itself too: it’s well written and a perfect Goldilocks length. Awesome read, Ellie. Genuinely impactful.
Thank you so much Adam! Really appreciate your kind words
This was so beautiful and such an easy practice to implement, while causing a dramatic shift in sense of self. Thank you so much for this.
Ah you’re so welcome Laura! 💛
This reframe is so powerful, Ellie. "Something in me" shifts the overwhelm - shrinking it down from full body to *somewhere* in the body. So much easier to hold.
Thank you for this!
Yes, that’s it Allison. You’re welcome; thank you for reading x
Ellie, I’m not sure how much I can even begin to express how much I needed this today, even now as I am replying a small tear is rolling down my cheek. I let you read this to me and tried to close my eyes and just relax in the gentleness of your voice.
I struggle with the ability to just relax, with a combination of adhd anxiety, shame, self worth and overcoming alcohol addiction (sober 3 years this month!) I just struggle with finding something as simple as a quiet peace in myself for even a moment, but I am trying.
Thank you for putting together an outline for me to follow, the insights you gave here will help me practice on my own.
💫
Oh Greg I’m so touched by your words. And so glad you found this helpful. I struggle to relax too - I actually don’t do this practice nearly as often as I could do! Huge congratulations to you and 3 years of sobriety ✨
Dealing with something in me. Allows me to not deny the truth about my feelings which are different than me. I often deny certain feeling just because others have a certain expectation about how I should be feeling. I am very afraid of going to my son's wedding for example. I will be seeing people who have wronged me. I will be driving for 16 hours with a dying dog and an elderly wife. I myself am injured due to an aging knee being unable to adapt to Falling In The Water normally like I have always done. I'll have to deal with an elderly mother. And lastly I honestly feel as if my son is falling into the same trap of marriage that I fell into even though I love my wife and am largely happy to have been married now for close to 40 years. I've been sober for 37 years and it is still a day at a time and I appreciate your article. I am not going to let others expectations about how I am feeling make me feel guilty over how I am feeling. I am however not going to allow those feelings to interfere with my life. I see that many of those feelings are black and white thinking and very extreme. I realize that many of them are born from selfishness not true compassion. I can see that I actually have other feelings that at this moment are being stifled by my bad feelings. I have good feelings of love joy and gratitude, perspective and flexibility which will keep me sober and allow me to ultimately get the best out of this experience. Love and light.
Paul, thank you for sharing. You are going through a lot, and of course you have many different thoughts and feelings about it all. I too often fall into the trap of black and white thinking! It's so good to notice when we're doing this. I hope you can honour what you consider to be 'selfish' feelings. That sounds very human to feel that way. And it is also so great to hear that you are also aware that there are other feelings too: love, joy and gratitude. What a messy, beautiful, difficult, confusing and wondrous thing it is to be human. And a HUGE congratulations on 37 years of sobriety - how incredible Paul!
Thank you for the introspection therapy tools!
We all need personal ammo to buttress against negative emotional self induced pressure ~
It’s all about that space! As long as you’re aware of it, you can never get too attached: the Daoist goal. Non-attachment.
Yes!
The addiction is to endorphins, not to booze. When I realized that, the space had been created in which to work!