I would say at this point in my life I’m pretty direct with a no. But depending on where I’m at or if I’m interested I’ll ask if there is a mocktail version. There are these different stages. The early stage where you have to balance the friends you use to drink with and the acceptance that this is shifting. Some thinking this is not going to be permanent. It’s just a phase. The one year commitment was big. After 3 or 4 months though it was here to stay. I am 100% certain in my life now this beverage has nothing to offer me. Moving through life now with focusing on purity of my mind and body is my desire.
I once feared this question. I was once on the other end of the equation, relentlessly badgering people to drink more and more and MORE! Being on the other end of things now (thank god). Now I cringe thinking back. Thank goodness things changed. Dedicated my time and energy to staying sober and creating software for sober houses. Small and modest but growing, just like we all are. <3
Depends on the situation and I almost always start with some version of “oh thanks, I don’t drink” or just “no thanks” and keep talking about whatever else is happening. Sometimes I’ll laugh and say “I got way too good at it” which lightens the mood and makes the reality clear and also that I’m okay with it and don’t feel any shame or awkwardness anymore about it. Hopefully that also makes it safe for someone to ask me questions if they want to, and might be questioning their own relationship to alcohol. Mostly I just try to make it as normal and healthy as possible - which it absolutely is. xoxo
Depends on the situation and I almost always start with some version of “oh thanks, I don’t drink” or just “no thanks” and keep talking about whatever else is happening. Sometimes I’ll laugh and say “I got way too good at it” which lightens the mood and makes the reality clear and also that I’m okay with it and don’t feel any shame or awkwardness anymore about it. Hopefully that also makes it safe for someone to ask me questions if they want to, and might be questioning their own relationship to alcohol. Mostly I just try to make it as normal and healthy as possible - which it absolutely is. Anywhere that people are turning my sobriety into an issue or gossiping about me or armchair judging is definitely not a healthy or life giving environment so I try to take that information on board and tuck it away, as well. A lot of environments are soaked in resentment and looking for a person to pin that on, so I’ve learned to be careful about sharing my own story too freely and especially in highly toxic environments.
Found this post at the perfect time ❤️ I already feel anxious that I will be labelled “boring” for not drinking at a friend’s 30th and I’m trying to prepare myself. I think it’s tricky early on in your sober journey to say “I don’t drink” as it’s so new. Great to feel less alone by reading this.
I love hearing that so much, Imogen. And yeah - I think it can often feel so much trickier at the beginning. Thank you for being here, and know that we’re cheering you on. ❤️
Fantastic job Dana! Quite a lot of work to compile the responses. What a great read, and I can kind of share in all these different eXperiences/strategies. I’m at 7 days today and feel less alone reading this. I’m determined to do it without AA directly this time, so I’m happy that there is a growing sober community here on the ‘Stack. Also thanks for including me💛
This is great! I quit drinking a long time ago, before social media and the uptick in public sobriety, which I absolutely LOVE. All this to say, in those days it was awkward to not drink, almost shameful, but I found a light tough and sense of humor worked. My favorite, after saying No Thanks, then I don't drink, was "I've drunk my quota." These days, it feels almost normal to say No, as in: a lot of non-drinking folks out there, for a variety of reasons. In the beginning it really is like trying on new clothes that feel so awkward and weird.
Thank you for being here and sharing, Tatyana. And you’re so right - the sober and alcohol-free scene sure has changed over the past handful of years. Yay to that!
This is a great topic! Thank you for bringing it up. Today I do speeches on addiction recovery and I am very very open about my own addiction but that's pretty easy for me because I've been clean and sober for 37 years. I do remember when I first got sober, disclosing to others was a big issue. I did not even tell my parents-in-law that I was a recovering alcoholic until I was sober for about 11 years! Somehow I didn't need to. I think people care a lot less about what we're drinking than we realize. I always took it on a case by case basis depending upon who I was around and quite frankly I think I kept it confidential for far too long. Just saying not drinking today seem to work for me early on. Nobody really seem to push at all except those who seem to have a problem themselves. And I usually did not even need to respond to them again at all. Except when I sensed they wanted help. Then I freely disclose. Keeping it simple today. Check out my book Sober Not Just Dry, 365 Daily Messages for Alcoholism and Addiction Sobriety and Joy. Get it here: https://a.co/d/hH0cvZf
Wonderful collection of responses! I'm 3 years in and counting. In the rare times I'm out and someone asks, I just reply 'no thank you'. (my social circle is quite small)
Thank you to everyone who shared! ♥️
Thanks for the shout-out!
Thanks so much for contributing, Jeremy!
I would say at this point in my life I’m pretty direct with a no. But depending on where I’m at or if I’m interested I’ll ask if there is a mocktail version. There are these different stages. The early stage where you have to balance the friends you use to drink with and the acceptance that this is shifting. Some thinking this is not going to be permanent. It’s just a phase. The one year commitment was big. After 3 or 4 months though it was here to stay. I am 100% certain in my life now this beverage has nothing to offer me. Moving through life now with focusing on purity of my mind and body is my desire.
I love all that, Josh. Thank you for sharing.
I once feared this question. I was once on the other end of the equation, relentlessly badgering people to drink more and more and MORE! Being on the other end of things now (thank god). Now I cringe thinking back. Thank goodness things changed. Dedicated my time and energy to staying sober and creating software for sober houses. Small and modest but growing, just like we all are. <3
Depends on the situation and I almost always start with some version of “oh thanks, I don’t drink” or just “no thanks” and keep talking about whatever else is happening. Sometimes I’ll laugh and say “I got way too good at it” which lightens the mood and makes the reality clear and also that I’m okay with it and don’t feel any shame or awkwardness anymore about it. Hopefully that also makes it safe for someone to ask me questions if they want to, and might be questioning their own relationship to alcohol. Mostly I just try to make it as normal and healthy as possible - which it absolutely is. xoxo
Depends on the situation and I almost always start with some version of “oh thanks, I don’t drink” or just “no thanks” and keep talking about whatever else is happening. Sometimes I’ll laugh and say “I got way too good at it” which lightens the mood and makes the reality clear and also that I’m okay with it and don’t feel any shame or awkwardness anymore about it. Hopefully that also makes it safe for someone to ask me questions if they want to, and might be questioning their own relationship to alcohol. Mostly I just try to make it as normal and healthy as possible - which it absolutely is. Anywhere that people are turning my sobriety into an issue or gossiping about me or armchair judging is definitely not a healthy or life giving environment so I try to take that information on board and tuck it away, as well. A lot of environments are soaked in resentment and looking for a person to pin that on, so I’ve learned to be careful about sharing my own story too freely and especially in highly toxic environments.
Found this post at the perfect time ❤️ I already feel anxious that I will be labelled “boring” for not drinking at a friend’s 30th and I’m trying to prepare myself. I think it’s tricky early on in your sober journey to say “I don’t drink” as it’s so new. Great to feel less alone by reading this.
I love hearing that so much, Imogen. And yeah - I think it can often feel so much trickier at the beginning. Thank you for being here, and know that we’re cheering you on. ❤️
Fantastic job Dana! Quite a lot of work to compile the responses. What a great read, and I can kind of share in all these different eXperiences/strategies. I’m at 7 days today and feel less alone reading this. I’m determined to do it without AA directly this time, so I’m happy that there is a growing sober community here on the ‘Stack. Also thanks for including me💛
Congrats on 7 days, Xavier! So glad you’re here and cheering you on.
Awesome ideas! Love the responses with a bit of humor! Almost 3.5 years sober and so thankful!
Hurray on 3.5 years, Kara! Thank you for being here.
Had a client once say he answered with "I only drink in the mornings "-either confused, horrified or occasionally amused the questioner
Coffee please.
This is great! I quit drinking a long time ago, before social media and the uptick in public sobriety, which I absolutely LOVE. All this to say, in those days it was awkward to not drink, almost shameful, but I found a light tough and sense of humor worked. My favorite, after saying No Thanks, then I don't drink, was "I've drunk my quota." These days, it feels almost normal to say No, as in: a lot of non-drinking folks out there, for a variety of reasons. In the beginning it really is like trying on new clothes that feel so awkward and weird.
Big YAY to everyone!
Tatyana
Beauty Hunter
Thank you for being here and sharing, Tatyana. And you’re so right - the sober and alcohol-free scene sure has changed over the past handful of years. Yay to that!
What an amazing collection of stories! I know they’ll find their way to the people who need to read them. And thank you for featuring my comment! 🙏🏼❤️
Thanks so much for sharing and being here, Carolyn. 🙏🏼❤️
This is a great topic! Thank you for bringing it up. Today I do speeches on addiction recovery and I am very very open about my own addiction but that's pretty easy for me because I've been clean and sober for 37 years. I do remember when I first got sober, disclosing to others was a big issue. I did not even tell my parents-in-law that I was a recovering alcoholic until I was sober for about 11 years! Somehow I didn't need to. I think people care a lot less about what we're drinking than we realize. I always took it on a case by case basis depending upon who I was around and quite frankly I think I kept it confidential for far too long. Just saying not drinking today seem to work for me early on. Nobody really seem to push at all except those who seem to have a problem themselves. And I usually did not even need to respond to them again at all. Except when I sensed they wanted help. Then I freely disclose. Keeping it simple today. Check out my book Sober Not Just Dry, 365 Daily Messages for Alcoholism and Addiction Sobriety and Joy. Get it here: https://a.co/d/hH0cvZf
Paul
Those are wonderful strategies for all stages of sobriety. Thanks for posting this!
Thank you so much for contributing, Janine!
Thank you for including the links to all who participated. I began following several of them (and realized I was already following a few others).
Yay! That’s so great to hear, Larry.
Wonderful collection of responses! I'm 3 years in and counting. In the rare times I'm out and someone asks, I just reply 'no thank you'. (my social circle is quite small)
Thank you for being here and sharing, Dawn!